


Someone

by Shippershape



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/M, High School, Maya's Dad is in this one, Senior year, Slow Burn, mentions of rucas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5015560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shippershape/pseuds/Shippershape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's their senior year, and things haven't changed too much since middle school. Maya and Lucas get stuck working together on a project, and Maya gets a late night surprise that threatens to turn her life upside down. Who will be there for her? And with college just around the corner, what, and who, does her future hold? WARNING: ABANDONED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Huckleberry. Stop.” Maya mumbles into the pages of her textbook. Her eyes are closed, and she’s trying, _trying_ to sleep. But Lucas pokes her again, hard enough that she shoots upright in her seat, rubbing her arm and glaring at him.

“Do you _want_ to die?” She wonders, narrowing her eyes. He smiles widely, only faltering a little when she lets out an audible growl.

“Um, no. But we’re really close to finishing this, and then we can just go home.” He gestures at their project, papers and books strewn across the library table. They’d been partnered up for a History assignment when Riley got the flu, and Cory knew there was no way she would be back in time for the presentation on Monday. So he partnered Lucas with Maya and told Farkle to work with Zay. So far neither duo have managed to kill each other, although both have had a few close calls. In the years that they’ve all been friends, Farkle and Zay continued to vie for the official title of Lucas’ best friend.

Once, when Lucas was drunk and Maya was sitting on a beer stained couch at some party they couldn’t remember who’d hosted, he had admitted that it was her.

_“This is fun.”_

_He’s slurring and she laughs, because Lucas when he’s drunk is like a golden retriever. He smiles a lot more, and sometimes he slobbers._

_“Sure, Fido.”_

_He’s never understood that nickname. But then he’d stopped trying to keep track of them all a long time ago. Riley doesn’t party much, and she isn’t here tonight. Lucas and her broke up again, a week ago. Maya was supposed to come to this party with Farkle and Smackle, and Lucas just showed up. Not that she minds. He’s right, this is fun._

_“You’re my best friend.” He mumbles, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. He’s staring at her, serious, but he’s drunk and she can’t help a snort._

_“What? We don’t even like each other that much.” She rolls her eyes. She doesn’t move his hand though. She never does._

_“It’s not Farkle, and it’s not Zay. You’re my best friend Maya.” His blue eyes are a little unfocused, but it suddenly isn’t funny anymore. He means it, she knows he does. And not in a wide group of best friends way, the very important, one on one, I need you in my life kind of way._

_“Riley is my best friend.” She reminds him. He looks so sad that she can almost swear she hears her stupid, soft heart break. She shouldn’t care. “But you can be second, if you don’t tell anyone.” He won’t even remember this in the morning._

_He considers that for a moment._

_“Okay.” He moves his hand from his shoulder, holding it out to her. She takes it, chuckling when he shakes her hand, firmly. “Deal.”_

They’re in senior year now, and not much has changed since middle school. Lucas and Riley continue to date off and on, although that now consists of actual dating and not just hand holding and doodles on notebooks. But recently, they’ve been off a lot more than they’ve been on. Now that Maya thinks about it, it’s been months since they’ve actually been a couple. Surprisingly, it doesn’t affect their group much. Then again, those two have had years figure out how to manage their complicated relationship.

“Ugh.” Maya turns back to the book in front of her, tapping her pen rhythmically against the page as she reads. After about thirty seconds, Lucas reaches out, closing his hand around hers.

“That’s not helping.” He mutters, not even looking up from the article in front of him. Maya stiffens, trying to ignore the strange zinging she feels whenever he touches her. Which has been happening more and more lately. She shakes off his hand, and throws the pen down on the table.

“What are we even looking for, Lucas? There’s no record of this clash between the colonies. That’s the whole point. We’re never going to find it.” She crosses her arms irritably over her chest. He looks up at her with a tired sigh. They’ve been here for hours, the library was supposed to close at ten, but because of their connection to Cory, the librarian had just asked them to turn out the lights and lock the door when they leave. She’d given Maya what could only be described as the evil eye, then pinched Lucas’ cheek. Maya decided she’d gotten the better of that exchange.

“We just need a short paragraph on that one, all we have to do is find one primary source for it. Mr. Matthews wouldn’t have assigned it if it were impossible.” Lucas counters, eyeing her warily. They’re both exhausted, they’ve spent more time alone together in the past two days than in the rest of the time they’ve known each other.

“Can’t we just not do it? The rest of our project is good, great actually. This is probably going to be the best thing I’ve ever handed in.” She muses, looking it over. There’s a poster board off to the side, covered in writing and illustrations. After they both did their share of taking notes, Lucas had done most of the actual writing. Maya added the drawings, and the whole thing looks great, except for the small blank space in the corner where their last entry is supposed to go.

“Is that a compliment? From Maya Hart?” Lucas asks, perking up. She rolls her eyes.

“A compliment for _myself_. It’s the drawings that make it look good.”

He follows her gaze, eyes sweeping over her art.

“Yeah.” He agrees, nodding his head. “They look amazing.”

Maya stares at him. This is another thing that’s been happening more lately. He’ll end their banter by giving her a genuine compliment. It’s different than before, when he would just be agreeable to annoy her. These days he really seems to mean it, and he knows it throws her off balance. She glances back at her book, then jumps to her feet.

“HA!” She points to the page, doing a wiggly kind of dance. It’s Lucas’ turn to stare.

“Are you okay?” He asks, real concern in his eyes. He thinks she’s cracked. She doesn’t blame him.

“I found something!” She turns the book and pushes it toward him. He reads aloud.

“In 1763 there was another battle, one of little historical significance. It consisted of only twenty men, most on foot. It is rumoured that a skirmish broke out over a small fishing pond, one that lay on the border of two properties. The outcome is unknown, as both families were later killed and the land was seized by the government.” He looks up. “That’s horrible.”

“I know. Who goes to battle over a fishing pond?”

He rolls his eyes.

“Okay, pass me a blank sheet of paper, I’ll write it out.”

She complies, and as he starts scribbling, Maya begins to gather up their books. She drops them on the cart by the front desk, then comes back to see Lucas cutting out his last paragraph and gluing it to the board.

“Do you think we need a drawing for that?” He asks, stepping back to look at it. She frowns, there really isn’t space.

“No. I think it’s okay. Let’s just go home.” She’s never been this tired. A quick glance at her phone reveals that it’s almost two am. She groans.

He carefully rolls the poster, and throws the rest of the supplies into his book bag.

“I’ll see you Monday.” Maya yawns, heading for the door. She’s stopped when a strong hand closes around her arm.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Lucas asks, raising an eyebrow. She blinks.

“Um, home?” She offers, confused.

“And how are you going to get home?” He wonders.

“The subway?” She’s not sure why she’s answering all of his questions with more questions but she also doesn’t know what he’s getting at. And then he shakes his head, and she _does_ know, and she sighs so heavily that her hair flutters around her shoulders.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” He pats her on the head. “Come on, I’ll drive you.”

“Lucas-”

“It’s two in the morning. Just once, can you not fight me on this?” He asks, staring down at her. If there was a height difference between the two of them in middle school, it’s almost comical now. She’s barely grown at all, seeming to have capped off at 5 feet, while Lucas is hovering somewhere around 6’1. He’s a monster, or that’s what she tells him. It’s actually kind of handy having a giant around.

“You’re such a Huckleberry.” She grumbles, following him as he shuts off the lights behind them. He just chuckles, knowing that’s a concession.

“And _you’re_ a trouble magnet. So taking the subway to your, no offense, sketchy neighbourhood at two in the morning is not a good idea.”

She feigns offense.

“Are you saying I live in a dump?” Her face is serious, but she’s amused as she watches his smile turn to discomfort.

“What? No, that’s not-”

“Why don’t you just call me white trash?” She jokes. She’s gotten better about not letting it bother her when people talk about her upbringing. Her mother and her are on good terms, things with Shawn are good. So she’s learned to let things roll of her shoulders. Besides, she knows Lucas doesn’t mean it. That doesn’t stop her from watching him squirm, though. He squints at her in the darkness as they walk to the parking lot.

“Are you screwing with me?” He asks, suspicious.

She gives him her best Cheshire cat grin. He sighs.

They come up on his truck, a beat up old Ford Ranger that Maya mocks but secretly loves. It’s small, and rough, and it reminds her a little of herself. Lucas pretends to hate it too, jokes about it being the runt of the litter, how he would be laughed out of Texas if he ever tried to drive it back. But she knows he likes it too. It’s rough to start, the clutch always sticks, and you practically have to use a mallet to get it into reverse, but he talks sweet when it acts up, and Maya knows he’s named it Blue, even if he denies it.

“Hey, Blue.” She pats the hood before hopping up into the seat. Lucas groans.

“Would you stop? I did not name my truck.” He mutters, fiddling with the ignition. The engine turns over once, then sputters to life.

“Yes you did.” Maya props her feet up on the dashboard. “She’s called Blue.”

They pull out of the parking lot, and he turns onto the street. They live fairly close together, despite his dig about her “sketchy neighborhood”, and he’s driven her home enough that he knows all the shortcuts. Usually Riley’s with them too. Spending time alone has always seemed like a taboo. It started because Maya and Lucas weren’t friends, not really. And then they were friends, but his situation with Riley was so complicated that it made Maya’s head hurt, so it just felt wrong. And now his history with her best friend is so long and messy that Maya doesn’t even know how they’re all still friends some days. It isn’t like she’s interested in Lucas, it just feels strange hanging out with your best friend’s ex. And at the end of the day, that’s what he is.

But the past few days have been strangely not-strange, and the idea that the time Maya spends with him will go back to being limited to his relationship with Riley pulls at an empty space in her chest. Sure he drives her crazy. But he’s the only who can keep up with her sometimes. She thinks maybe she needs that.

“Actually, you did.” Lucas’ voice pulls her out of her thoughts.

“I did what?” Maya asks, turning to look at him. In the shadows of the night his face is even more angular, his jaw barely dusted with five o-clock shadow. He’d started growing facial hair before almost anyone in their grade. _It’s the Texas in me_. He’d said. He’s changed a lot, they all have. It’s barely two months until they graduate, and Maya is starting to feel the weight of that like a constant buzzing in her ear. Her eyes follow the lines of his cheekbones, his jaw. He looks like a grown man. When did that happen?

“You named he- _it_ -you named it Blue.”

Maya smirks.

“If you say so.” She’s too tired to have this argument again. They pull up in front of her building. Not many tenants here have vehicles, Lucas is right, it’s that kind of neighborhood, but there’s a brand new white Tesla parked right out front, and she frowns. “That’s weird.”

Her eyes flit back to Lucas, and notices he’s eyeing the car as well, face tense.

“What?” She asks, surprised at how uneasy he looks.

“Uh, nothing, I just-” He breaks off, biting his lip. She raises her eyebrows.

“Spit it out, Cowboy.”

He sighs.

“I just… you don’t have a drug dealer in your building now, do you?” He nods at the car. She stares at him for a moment, then bursts out laughing.

“Oh my god.” She says between giggles. “You’re such a…choir boy.” He looks offended.

“Well then whose car is that? Marge’s?” He’s referring to the woman who lives above Maya, the one who has six cats and eats canned food from World War II because that’s “the only stuff without those damn hormones”.

“Okay, first of all, there are definitely drug dealers in my building. This is New York. And you’ve met Dave.” She reminds him. The twenty-something grad student once made the mistake of trying to sell Riley weed. Lucas makes a face at the reminder. “And do you really think the drug dealers are big into electric cars now? Big into saving the environment?” She eyes the Tesla. Beside her, he shrugs.

“Forget I said anything.” He sighs. She claps him on the arm, then swings her door open.

“See ya.”

“Goodnight.” He says softly, smiling at her. She returns it, because it’s late, and she’s too tired to fight it.

“Night, Huckleberry. Night Blue.” She pats the truck. He rolls his eyes.

She can feel him watching her as she makes her way to the front door, and hears him shift back into first as it closes behind her. She slowly climbs the stairs, almost too tired to open the door to her apartment, but she forces her key into the lock and stumbles inside.


	2. Chapter 2

She hangs her keys on the Betty Boop hook on the wall, and then turns toward her bedroom. There’s a tall figure there, one that’s not female, and not Shawn. She can barely make it out in the dark, she almost thinks she’s seeing things, but then it moves. She freezes. As carefully as she can, she reaches behind her, hand sliding up the wall to find the light switch. She flicks it on, and when she recognizes the face in front of her, her mouth drops open.

“You’re-”

“Maya.” He steps forward, awkward. His arms twitch, as though he’s about to hug her but thinks better of it.

“Kermit.” She says, because that’s who he is to her now. “What are you doing here?”

His face falls when she uses his name. Did he really expect her to call him Dad after all these years? Why would he even want her to?

“I, um, I wanted to see you.” He looks different. His hair is salted with grey, and so is his beard, and he looks old, she realizes. He is old. He’s also wearing a suit that looks like it probably cost more than a couple months of Katy’s rent.

“After ten years?” She asks incredulously. The whole thing feels surreal. “Why?”

“Well, you’re graduating soon, and I realized I…made some mistakes with you. Big ones.” His green eyes are big and sad, and she doesn’t feel sorry for him at all.

“That’s true.” She acknowledges. Katy and Shawn must be staying at his place tonight. She wonders if Katy knows he’s here. “Does my mother-”

“She knows I’m here. She wanted to give us some space. John didn’t like that.” He muses.

“Who?” Maya asks, frowning. She doesn’t like it either, doesn’t want to do this right now, or ever. She accepted a long time ago that her father was no longer important in her life.

“Uh.” He scratches his beard. “Her boyfriend?”

“Shawn.” Maya corrects. “Look, Kermit, it’s late. I’m too tired to do this, whatever this is.” A remarkable calm has settled over her, but it’s possible she’s just in shock. Her father looks surprised.

“Right, right. Well I’m going to crash on the couch tonight, Katy said it was alright. Maybe we can talk tomorrow?” He offers. Maya stares at him.

“Mom said you could stay here?” She asks, dubious. He looks down.

“We had a pretty long talk. She said it was okay.”

Something here is off.

“What are you not telling me?” The man in front of her is a stranger, it’s been too long and too cold for any lingering paternal feelings between them. But she knows what it looks like when people aren’t being honest with her. And it looks a lot like this.

Kermit sighs, walking over to the couch and collapsing onto it. He looks exhausted, she realizes.

“My daughter, she’s sick.” His words hit her like a punch to the gut. It shouldn’t hurt like this, hearing him say that word and mean someone else, someone who’s not Maya, who’s better than Maya, because Maya wasn’t good enough for him. Her replacement. Then she realizes what he said.

“She’s sick.” She repeats. She doesn’t sit down. He nods.

“She’s been…well it’s been a hard year. And I know I’ve been a terrible father to you, but it’s become clear that family is precious. And you’re family. I want to know you, Maya. I want to be in your life.” He looks up at her, hopeful. She thinks he’s the most pathetic thing she’s ever seen. She scoffs, hands shaking with anger.

“You haven’t been a terrible father, Kermit.” She says. His eyes widen in surprise. “You haven’t _been_ a father. Not to me. So no, I’m not your family. Your replacement daughter is getting sick, so you decide it would be good to have a backup?” She growls, eyes practically glowing. “I don’t give a shit what you want.”

“Maya-” He looks startled at her outburst, but then again the last time he saw her she was eight and looked at him like he hung the moon.

“You crash here.” She waves at the couch, and grabs her jacket and her keys as she turns back towards the door.

“Where are you-”

“I’m going to stay at a friend’s.” She cuts him off. “Sorry about your kid.” And then she slams the door behind her.

Chest heaving, she fishes her phone from her pocket. She’s dialing without thinking, and when a sleepy voice picks up on the other end, she realizes it isn’t Riley.

“Maya?” Lucas slurs, clearly already asleep. She considers hanging up, considers calling Riley, who she meant to call in the first place. But he’s already up, and it’s two in the morning, and Riley is sick.

“Um, hey.” She feels stupid now. She should have just kicked Kermit out. But now she just wants to get away from him as quickly as possible.

“Are you okay?” He asks, much more awake than he was five seconds ago. Always worrying, Maya muses.

“Can I crash at your place tonight? I would have called Riley, but it’s late, and she’s sick, and it’s a lot farther-” She rambles, sad and confused, and it’s all suddenly catching up to her.

“Maya.” He cuts her off. “I’ll be there in in five minutes. Wait inside, I’ll call you.” And then he hangs up. She sighs. She really appreciates that he doesn’t ask questions right now. As much as she loves Riley, it would have been a solid half hour of Q&A before she let Maya off the hook. And she doesn’t need that right now. She makes her way down to the front door, waiting inside like Lucas asked. Her hands are still shaking, but it’s not with anger anymore. She doesn’t know what it is. By the time her phone chirps, alerting her to the fact that Lucas is here, her teeth are chattering too.

He really didn’t need to call, she can hear his truck as he pulls up. She tugs open the front door and jogs up to it, jumping inside without a word. Her eyes drift to her living room window, and she sees movement. Kermit is still there. It wasn’t a hallucination. She mashes her teeth together to try and stop the chattering, but it just makes it worse. Lucas looks at her in alarm, taking in the shivering and the chattering, and his eyes linger long enough on her face that she figures she’s probably not looking quite like herself in that aspect either. He’s wearing a black hoodie, and grey sweatpants, and it’s obvious she got him out of bed.

“What happened?” His hands are on her shoulders, gentle, and she knows he’s checking her for some sign of injury.

“I’m fine.” She says, the words slightly broken due to the chattering. “Just drive please.”

He hesitates, then puts his hands back on the wheel. They’re at his place in minutes, and she’s silent as they make their way up to his unit. His building is nicer than hers, they have a doorman, and she likes his family. It feels safe in a way she hadn’t realized was missing tonight. It’s completely quiet inside, she figures his family is sleeping, and they tiptoe towards his bedroom. He turns to her after he closes his door, arms folded across his chest.

“Are you going to tell me?” He asks. It isn’t a demand, it’s an offer. She considers it.

“I have a half-sister.” She tells him. He blinks, because they already knew that.

“Okay.” He says.

“I think she might be dying, or something.” Maya mumbles collapsing onto the loveseat under his window. Lucas stares at her.

“What?”

“Kermit was in my apartment, he said his kid is sick, he said he wants to be in my life. I told him to go to hell.” She says, eyes closed. She knows he’s looking at her though, can feel it.

“Maya.” His voice is a lot closer than it was a second ago. She opens her eyes to see him crouching beside her.

“That’s pretty much it.” She shrugs. It’s not that she doesn’t care, she’s just too tired to even process the past hour.

“Are you okay?” He asks, looking like he’s pretty sure she’s not. She sighs.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She yawns. The couch smells like Lucas, and the shaking has stopped, and all she wants to do now is go to sleep.

“Okay, just-go to sleep. We can talk in the morning.” He eyes her again. She’s still wearing her jeans from earlier and a skull-print button-up blouse. He walks over to his dresser, and she closes her eyes while he’s rummaging. Something soft hits her in the face, and she sits up, sputtering. She blinks, and sees that he’s given her a pair of sweats and a white t-shirt. She smiles.

“Thanks.”

He turns out the light, then lays down on his bed facing away from her. She quickly changes, throwing her clothes into a pile beside the couch. She’s swimming in the pants, has to hold them at the waist to keep them from falling down completely. She snorts as she settles into the couch, pulling down the blanket that was folded over the top of it.

“Freak.” She mutters, the extra fabric from the sweats pooling around her legs.

“What?” Lucas asks.

“You’re a freak. These pants are huge.” She says. But the shirt smells like him, like soap and fresh air, and she really doesn’t mind that as much as she should.

“Well, you know what they say…” He mumbles, and she can tell he’s already half gone.

“What do they say, Bucky?” She asks, amused.

“Everythings…bigger..in…” And then he’s snoring. She sighs. But his breathing is slow and rhythmic, and it lulls her to sleep in no time.

 


	3. Chapter 3

She wakes up curled into a ball, sunlight streaming onto her face. The world is flaming red behind her closed eyelids, and she groans. Her mother bought blackout drapes the day they moved in, neither of them were early risers. She must have forgotten to put them down. Without opening her eyes, she crawls out of bed, then promptly trips and falls straight onto her face.

“Shit!” She mutters, rubbing her forehead. She blinks against the brightness, and as her eyes adjust she realizes she isn’t in her room at all.

“Wha’s happening?!” Lucas shoots up in bed, rubbing his eyes and staring around the room. His gaze falls on Maya, sitting on the floor, and he raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing?” He asks.

“What does it look like? I’m sitting on the floor.” She mumbles, still rubbing her head. Her eyes are actually watering a little from the impact. He takes that in with concern.

“Are you alright?”

She waves him off.

“I’m fine. I was trying to close the blinds.”

He glances at the window, then back at her.

“I don’t have blinds.”

She rolls her eyes. The movement makes her head hurt more.

“Thanks, I did get that. I thought I was at home.” She stands up, sighing. When she looks back at Lucas, she realizes he’s bright red. He snaps his gaze toward the wall, waving his hand at her.

“You, uh….”

She looks down, and realizes that when she stood up, she left her pants on the ground. They’re pooled around her ankles, leaving her in Lucas’ t-shirt and her favorite New York Rangers underwear. She grabs the pants, yanking them back up, and shuffles back over to the couch.

“I told you these pants are freakishly big.” She mutters. He still isn’t looking at her. “Oh relax. It’s not like it’s anything you haven’t seen before.” She knows he’s been with Riley, Maya heard about it for weeks the first time it happened.

“Yeah.” He sounds weird, but turns back to face her. Her eyes land on the clock beside his bed. It’s almost ten.

“So, should I sneak down the fire escape?” Maya wonders. She isn’t sure how pleased Mrs. Friar would be to realize she spent the night in Lucas’ room.

“Um, no?” He gives her a quizzical look.

“But your mom-”

“Probably isn’t here. Besides, she likes you.” He yawns, stretching his arms above his head, and Maya notices his bare chest for the first time. The hoodie last night was probably for her benefit. She looks away.

As the events of the night before come flooding back, she chews her bottom lip. She’ll have to deal with Kermit at some point, it seems unlikely that he’ll be gone when she gets back. Lucas watches her, the climbs out of bed.

“How about a shortstack, Shortstack?” He asks. She throws one of her boots at him. He just grins, disappearing down the hallway. She changes back into her jeans, deciding it’s just safer, but leaves his t-shirt on. Cooking sounds are already filtering down the hallway, so she follows them to find Lucas in the kitchen. He’s wearing the hoodie again, cracking a couple eggs into a glass mixing bowl. Maya sits down at the kitchen table, yawning.

“So.” Lucas says. She turns her head to look at him, smiling when she sees the smear of flour on his cheek.

“So?” She prompts.

“Are we gonna talk about it?”

Maya frowns at him, thoughtful. There’s a part of her that wants to, to tell him everything, to cry and scream and let him see it all. But she won’t, can’t.

 “I think I need to talk to Riley about it first.” Her words hang there, a reminder of the elephant in the room, the girl Maya chose, will always choose. He nods.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

They sit in relative silence for the next few minutes, Lucas scooping batter into the pan and Maya swinging her legs back and forth. After a little while she decides she wants coffee, and shuffles over to the cupboard where she knows they keep it. She pulls out the jar, throws a couple scoops in his machine, then sets it to brew. When she turns back to Lucas, he’s staring at her.

“What?” She reaches up to touch her face, wondering if there’s drool there. It happens sometimes, when she’s exhausted.

“Nothing.” He glances back at the pancakes. “You just know your way around pretty well.”

If it were anyone else, Maya would take that as a bad thing. But she knows he doesn’t mean it that way.

“I’ll always find the coffee, Texas.” She gives him a wide grin. His answering smile is blinding.

The pancakes are delicious, because of course they are, and after she helps him clean up she just throws her blazer over his t-shirt.  The idea of putting on her old shirt seems a little gross, so she stuffs it in her bag.

“I’m gonna-” She gestures at the door.

“Go see Riley?” He finishes for her. She nods.

“So, thanks. For everything.” Those are words that never come easy for her. But she hasn’t had a lot of people to thank in her life, other than the Matthews. He reaches out, then drops his hand.

“You can call me anytime, Maya. For anything.” His blue eyes darken, and it leaves her a little breathless, so she just slowly backs out the door.

“Um, yeah. Thanks.” And then she runs.

 

Maya climbs through the bay window, it’s tradition at this point. Riley’s still in bed, but from the coughing fit Maya can hear through the window she knows Riley’s awake.

“Hey.” Maya murmurs, closing the window behind her. Riley rolls over to face her.

“Hi.” She replies with a sniffle. Maya sits beside her on the bed, and Riley drops her head into Maya’s lap.

“How ya feeling?” She asks, stroking Riley’s hair. Her friend sighs.

“Like crap.  You shouldn’t be here, I don’t want you get to sick.”

Maya shrugs.

“I actually got my flu shot this year, babe. I’ll be okay.”

They sit like that for a few minutes, then Riley turns her head to look up at Maya.

“Are you wearing Lucas’ shirt?” The brunette asks, eyes wide with surprise. Maya glances at the shirt.

“Oh. Yeah. I crashed at Ranger Rick’s last night.” It sounds strange when she says it out loud. Riley obviously thinks so too, sitting up and staring at her friend.

“What? Why?”

Maya bites her lip.

“There’s some stuff I have to tell you.” She admits, leaning back against the pillows.

“About you and Lucas?” Riley asks, stiffening. Maya shakes her head.

“No, Riles. Trust me, Lucas is not the important part of this story. Kermit’s back.”

The only follow up to that is shocked silence, Maya watches as Riley opens her mouth a few times, then closes it.

“Your dad?”

“Yeah.”

“Wha-why?”

Throwing her hands in the air, Maya sighs.

“Apparently one of his kids is sick, and he wants to make amends, or something. I didn’t really stay to talk to him.”

Riley continues to stare.

“That’s…woah.” She finally mumbles. Maya nods her agreement.

“Yeah. He’s staying at my place, apparently, so I-”

“Stayed with Lucas.” Riley blinks in understanding. “Okay. But why didn’t you just come here?”

“It was the middle of the night, besides Lucas had just dropped me off. I figured he’d be awake.” She leaves out the part where his number is apparently the first one that she’ll dial if you put a phone in front of her.

Riley sighs, pulling Maya in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, Peaches.”

Maya leans into it, letting some of the tension melt away.

“What are you going to do?”

Sighing, Maya runs her hands through her hair. She really needs a shower.

“I guess I have to talk to him. Even if it’s to tell him never to come back here.”

Riley looks thoughtful.

“You could invite him over here to talk, if you want. My parents will be around in case you need them, and so will I.” She offers. Maya thinks about that. It’s actually not a bad idea.

“Yeah, maybe I will. I love you, ya know.” Maya says, sinking into the bed beside her friend.

“I know.” Riley takes her hand, and they stay like that for a while.

“I need to shower.” Maya finally says, hopping out of bed. “You mind?” Riley shakes her head. Maya grabs a couple things out of the “Maya drawer” in Riley’s dresser, clothes and other things she keeps there since she’s essentially a part-time resident of the Matthews apartment. Plugging in her phone to charge, she heads for the bathroom.

 

She emerges twenty minutes later, clean and a bit more level headed. Riley is sleeping, so Maya grabs her phone and calls home. Katy picks up after one ring.

“Maya?” Her mother sounds worried. Maya has pulled a lot of stunts over the years, and Katy has learned to temper her expectation that her daughter be home every night.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Where are you? I texted Topanga last night but she said she went to check on Riley and you weren’t there. And your father said-”

“I was at Lucas’. Is Kermit still there?” Maya asks, cutting her off. On the other end, she hears Katy sigh.

“Yes, he is. I know you’ve been through a lot, hon, and it’s your choice if you don’t want to see him. But he really wants to talk to you.” Her voice is soft. Maya snorts.

“He told me about his kid. Tell him that if he wants to talk to me, he can meet me at the Matthews’. I’ll be here all day.”

“Maya-”

“I don’t really want to talk to you right now.” Maya mutters. “You set me up for an ambush, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I just thought you might need the privacy, I-”

“What I _needed_ was my mom to be there to back me up when I told him I wasn’t interested in getting to know him!” Maya hisses. “I can’t…I can’t do this right now. Talk to Kermit. I’ll see you later.” She hits end, staring down at her phone. Katy has made a lot of bad decisions, but this one is really getting under Maya’s skin. She shuffles out to the living room, spotting Topanga in the kitchen, cutting peppers.

“Hey.” Maya says, sitting at the table. From Topanga’s smile, Maya can tell she already knows.

“Hi. How are you? Your mom texted me last night.”

She never lies to Maya. Maya respects that.

“I was actually wondering if Kermit could come here, later. He wants to talk and I just…I think I could use a little moral support.” Maya says stealing a sliver of red pepper.

“Yeah, of course.” Topanga looks touched. “And if you need anything-”

“That’s all I need.” Maya says, smiling. Topanga slides her a knife, and they chop in silence. While things with Katy have been better in the past few years, Topanga has always been one of Maya’s favourite people. She’s tiny but strong, and it means a lot that she treats Maya like one of the family. Almost an hour later, there’s a knock on the door. Maya jumps up, staring at it. Topanga puts a hand on her shoulder, then crosses the room to answer it. But it’s not the visitor they were expecting.

“Lucas, hi.” Topanga blinks at him, then steps back to let him in. “I think Riley is still sleeping.”

He shrugs.

“I’m actually here to see Maya.” He peers around Topanga, and Maya waves him over.

“What are you doing here?” She asks. He shrugs.

“I just wanted to check on you. And I figured you’d still be here, considering.” Considering she’s avoiding her father, a man who just happens to have set up camp in her living room.

“I’m great.” She spreads her arms. Things have gotten weird between them, sometime in the past few days they’ve crossed a line, their friendship is different. She’s not sure she can go back to pretending she doesn’t need him anymore. He gives her a look.

“Mhmm.” He crosses his arms.

“Kermit’s coming here, probably.” She tells him. Lucas glances over at Topanga.

“Oh.” He says. “That’s…good?” He obviously isn’t sure if that’s actually good. But then again, neither is Maya. She sighs.

“I-”

But she’s interrupted by another knock on the door. Her head snaps around to stare at it. Lucas clears his throat. Topanga is already making her way back toward the door. Maya reaches out, grabbing Lucas’ arm.

“Hey, this could get messy. My family has…serious baggage. If you want to go, here’s your chance.” She tells him. He shakes his head.

“I can stick around. Unless you don’t want me to?” The question is in his eyes as much as his voice. She hesitates.

“You can stay.”

He just nods, and sits down next to her. The front door swings open, and there he is, Kermit, wearing jeans and an oxford shirt and looking extremely uncomfortable. He smiles nervously at Topanga.

“Hi, I’m Kermit.” He holds out his hand. For a second Maya wonders if she’ll take it. She does.

“Topanga.” She says. His eyebrows go up, but he just nods.

“Nice to meet you, Topanga. From what Katy tells me, you’ve taken good care of my daughter.”

Maya cringes. Topanga smiles, but there’s fire in it.

“Well, Maya’s family.” Is all she says. It sounds a little territorial, but Maya doesn’t mind at all.

She stands up making her way over to her father.

“Thanks, I’ve got it from here.” Maya says, looking at Topanga. The older woman nods, then heads down the hallway. Kermit looks down at her blankly, as if he doesn’t know what to do now.

“Your mother was worried about you last night.” He tells her. She rolls her eyes.

“I stayed at a friend’s. I’ve talked to her already. Now you wanted to talk, so talk.”

He licks his lips.

“Um, alright. My daughter’s name is Cassandra. She’s ten, and she caught pneumonia during a camping trip. She ended up in a coma for six days.” The sadness in his eyes is almost hard to look at. Maya clenches her fists at her sides. She’s avoided saying it, because it’s messy, but he’s talking about her half-sister. The little girl in the coma. She’s family, technically. And Maya suddenly isn’t sure she’s ready to hear this.

“Is she…” She can’t say it. There’s a pressure on her arm, and she glances over to see Lucas standing beside her, hand on her bicep. She leaves it there.

“She’s okay now. She’s going to be okay.” Kermit looks at his hands. Internally, Maya breathes a sigh of relief.

“Why did you leave?” The words come out before she can stop them. Lucas’ hand tightens on her arm, and Kermit’s mouth drops open in surprise.

“I…I wasn’t happy with your mother. We just weren’t working anymore.” He stammers, caught off guard.

“No, why did you leave _me_?” She pushes, feeling a little faint, leaning subconsciously into Lucas for support. She doesn’t know why she’s asking, it shouldn’t matter anymore.

“Maya…” Her father’s voice is pleading. “I thought you deserved better. I wasn’t a good father back then...I couldn’t get it together. I thought sticking around would make things harder.”

“Harder?” Maya can’t believe what she’s hearing.

“I was wrong, obviously, it was a mistake and I’m sorry. I’m so, so-”

She puts her hand up to stop him, and notices it’s shaking again. The rage is back, rising like bile in her throat.

“That fancy car outside, that’s yours?” She asks. He looks confused, but nods. “Right, okay. So you couldn’t get it together for me, or for Mom, because we weren’t worth it. But your new family, they get the best of you. You get a nice car, and a nice suit, and you think that leaving made things easier for us?”

“No, Maya-”

“We _struggled_. We are still struggling. And I don’t want your money, or your family, because where were you when we got evicted? When we couldn’t pay our rent, when Mom cried herself to sleep because she hadn’t eaten in three days so I wouldn’t be hungry? We lived on the street, Kermit. For almost a week. And then Mom sent me to live with the Matthews, and she stayed in a shelter, and all of that, _all of that_ , was hard. So you didn’t save us, okay? You left us to fail alone. You left _me._ ”

All of her is shaking now, because the bad memories are coming up like electric shocks, the cold nights and the hungry ones, the weeks where she didn’t see her mother at all because she was doing back to back double shifts and just slept at the diner. She doesn’t want pity, hates it when other people joke about her life. But there have been some hard nights, and her father is sitting in front of her, wearing Armani denim, and she suddenly thinks she might lunge at him and hit him until she doesn’t hate him so much. Sensing her anger, Lucas closes his hand on her other arm, holding her back on both sides.

“Hey, you okay?” He whispers in her ear. She snarls in response.

“I can’t afford to go to college without a scholarship and financial aid and I’m going to be up to my eyeballs in debt at the end of it anyways. But you have that hundred thousand dollar car, and you want to come here and ask me to put it all behind us, and you think I should?”

“Sweetheart-”

Her eyes are burning, and she knows it’s just a matter of time until she breaks.

“Get out. I don’t want to see you again. And leave my mother alone.” Her voice breaks, but she’s trying, _trying,_ to hold it together.

“Look, I know you’re angry-” Kermit steps toward her, and Maya flinches.

“I think you should go.” Lucas’ voice echoes over her head. Kermit frowns at him.

“No offense, kid, but this isn’t really any of your business.”

The fingers on Maya’s arms tighten, almost painfully, and then relax. It occurs to her that Texas Lucas might be about to make an appearance. And as much as she likes that sometimes, she doesn’t think she can take the extra drama today.

“Luke-” She mumbles, laying her hand over his.

“Kermit.” Another voice breaks through the tense silence, and Maya looks up to see Cory standing in the hallway, frowning. “Maya asked you to leave.” Topanga is right behind him. They look fierce like that, together. Kermit sighs.

“Alright.” He glances back at Maya. “Your mother has my number. If you change your mind-”

“I won’t.” She assures him. He nods. Without looking at the others, he walks back to the door, closing it behind him. When he’s gone, Maya all but collapses onto Lucas.

“Hey, hey.” He holds her up, walking her over to the couch.

“I don’t wanna…” She chokes. “…talk about it.” He sighs.

“Okay, that’s fine. Do you want me to get Riley?”

Maya just shakes her head. He moves to get up, but her hand is fisted in his shirt. She used to go to bed every night wishing she would wake up and find her father there, back like nothing had happened. But she’d let that dream go, because it was foolish and selfish, and Maya didn’t get the things she wanted. And then the resentment had set in, a dark bitterness that had landed her here, sitting on this couch, shaking with anger and sorrow and relief. Because it’s over now. It’s done. She doesn’t want Kermit, doesn’t need him.

But the sob bubbles up to the surface anyways, those old feelings of doubt and loss and never being good enough, and Lucas pulls her into a hug. Vaguely, she hears Topanga and Cory leave. There was a time when she would have hated this, Lucas seeing her vulnerable. But now he’s her lifeline, the only thing she’s holding onto as she purges herself of years’ worth of hurt. It ebbs away slowly, dripping away with the tears, and eventually she lets go of his shirt, leaning back.

“Sorry.” She mutters, swiping at her eyes. He gives her a smile, one of those girls-fall-at-my-feet grins, and rubs his hand along her arm.

“Don’t be. I think you held up pretty well, all things considered.”

Her skin tingles where he touches it, a ridiculous cliché, and it’s getting so much harder to pretend she’s oblivious to whatever hangs between them. But it’s for Riley, and she would do anything for Riley.

“Thanks for sticking around.” She says, letting out a long breath.

“Thanks for letting me.”

They stare at each other for a moment, and they’re on the edge, she can feel it. She stands up, breaking the moment.

“I think I just need some, uh, girl time.” She says, backing away from the couch. That’s not entirely true, she does want to talk to Riley, but she’s also putting some distance between her and Lucas. From the look on his face, she guesses he knows exactly what she’s doing. He gets to his feet, clapping a hand on her shoulder.

“Call me if you need me, Shortstack.”

She nods, and then he’s gone.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the weekend is fairly uneventful, Kermit is gone when she gets home, Maya doesn’t really speak to Katy, and Riley recovers enough to harass her with hourly phone calls about her wellbeing.

“I’m _fine_.” Maya shouts into the phone the fourth time it rings, not even glancing at the screen.

“Wow, good afternoon to you too.”

Maya sighs.

“Lucas. Sorry. I thought you were Riley.”

He chuckles on the other end.

“Wow. Thanks.”

“You know what I mean.” Maya mutters, rolling her eyes as she flips through the textbook in front of her.

“Mhmm. So, how are you-”

“Huckleberry, I swear if you ask me how I’m doing I’ll hang up.”

“I was going to say how are you holding up, actually.”

Maya can practically hear him smirking through the phone.

“Great. Terrific. Never been better.” She mumbles, eyes catching on a particularly compelling painting in her textbook.

“You going to be okay for our presentation tomorrow?” He asks. She frowns.

“Is that why you called? Yeah, Lucas, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” She closes her book in a huff of annoyance.

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. Look, do you want a ride to school tomorrow?” He sounds tired, like maybe he’s been thinking a lot about this too. Maya thinks about it. She usually takes the subway, with Riley. But Riley probably won’t be back at school by then.

“Sure.” She sighs. “I’ll uh, see you tomorrow.”

He mutters a goodbye and then he’s gone. Maya throws her book on the ground, stretching across the couch. Everyone is treating her like she’s delicate, like she’s breakable. But that’s never been true before. They’ve always been casual to the point of callousness, making jokes about her life, about her family. And now suddenly, because they’re seeing it firsthand, they all feel sorry for her. It’s exhausting and not at all what she wanted. Not that she minds the lack of teasing.

She’s still on touchy terms with her mother. Maya gets the distinct sense that Shawn wasn’t at all happy with Katy’s decision to let Kermit hang around, but she also knew he was very careful not to overstep her authority. There’s a clinking sound as someone unlocks the door, and then Maya’s mother steps into the foyer.

“Maya.” She greets her daughter quietly. Ever since the phone call, she’s been wary. Maya nods in response.

“There’s spaghetti on the stove.” Maya tells her. This has become a habit, when Katy works late, Maya cooks. Even when they’re fighting. They sit in silence as Katy eats, and finally Maya puts down her book and sighs.

“You alright?” Katy asks, glancing over at her daughter. Maya narrows her eyes.

“How could you think that was a good idea?” She wonders aloud. She doesn’t need to elaborate, Katy knows exactly what she’s talking about. Her mother rubs her face tiredly.

“I wasn’t totally sure it was. I knew it would be a gamble. But Maya…you’ve always been so hurt that he left. I thought seeing him might help. I was wrong, obviously.” She shrugs. She looks exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes standing out. Some kids seem to forget that their parents are only human. Maya has never had that problem.

“You should have been looking out for me. You should have told him to go to hell, that he has no right…” Maya breaks off, getting to her feet. “You should have been there. I needed you.” It costs her to admit that, but it’s true. She’s just kicked one parent out of her life for good, and if she’s going to make things work with the other one, she needs to get this out. Katy stares at her.

“I know, baby.” Her mother gets up too, wrapping her arms around Maya. “I’m sorry. Although from what I heard, you handled Kermit pretty well on your own.”

Maya sighs, letting her arms wind around her mother’s tiny frame.

“I shouldn’t have had to.” She thinks, realizing she said it out loud when Katy pulls back.

“I _know_. And you won’t have to again, I promise. I made a big mistake, letting your father back in. I won’t do that again.” Her eyes are clear, and firm, and a shade of blue so like Maya’s.

“Okay.” Maya lets her mother go. “I’m going to bed.”

Katy presses a kiss to the top of her head as she goes. Things will be alright. They always are.

 

The next morning, Maya’s wakes up to Wild Horses. It’s her ringtone for Lucas, all her friends get a personalized Stones tone. She rolls over, fumbling to answer it without opening her eyes.

“What.” She grunts, her words muffled by the pillow she’s pressing her face into.

“Hey, get up. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” Lucas tells her, sounding amused.

“What makes you think I’m not?” She asks, even as she leaps out of bed and starts grabbing clothes from her dresser. Damn alarm, she keeps forgetting that the new update on her phone means it won’t go off on silent mode.

“Just get dressed, I’ll be there soon.” He says, before the line goes dead. Maya jogs toward the shower. She’ll have to give up breakfast, but she hasn’t washed her hair since Saturday. She manages to get dressed, and even throw on a minimal amount of makeup before Lucas gets there. Her hair is still sopping wet, and Lucas shouts when she flips it over her shoulder as she climbs into the truck.

“Hey!” He mutters, brushing droplets of water off his face. She grins.

“Sorry. Didn’t have time to blowdry.” Just for dramatic effect, and also partially because she knows it will annoy him, she gives her head another shake. He throws his hands up to protect his face from the water flying everywhere.

“Maya!” He mutters, glaring. She shrugs, then sits back in her seat as he starts the car.

“Just in case you didn’t have time to shower, Ranger Rick.” She says sweetly.

“Well, thanks.” He says sarcastically. “But I’m good.” He’s telling the truth, she can tell because he smells like he always does after gym class, like that body wash that’s a mixture of pine and spice and something else inherently male. She likes it, not that she’d ever admit to that.

The rest of the ride is filled with squabbling, which escalates when he makes a remark about her poor judgement and she gets so annoyed she rings her hair out over his lap.

“It looks like I pissed myself!” He hisses, dragging her through the parking lot. It does, and she’s actually starting to feel bad, because she hadn’t entirely thought this through.

“There are hair dryers in the girls locker room.” She tells him. He looks at her like she’s insane.

“Okay.”

“That I can use to dry your jeans…” She draws her words out slowly, exaggerating them, because he seems to be a little out of it this morning. He rolls his eyes.

“How am I supposed to get into the girls locker room?” He asks, pulling out his phone to check the time. Class starts in fifteen minutes. Maya glances at his crotch, the wet spot alarmingly visible on his lighter blue jeans.

“You’re not. Give me your pants, and I’ll dry them for you.” She holds out her hands expectantly.

“What?” Lucas asks, staring at her. “Here?”

She raises an eyebrow.

“Sure. _Or_ you could go change into your gym shorts first.” She says with a shrug. He stalks away, casting an irritated glance over his shoulder. She snickers, following him toward the gym. He emerges a minute later, holding out his jeans. She pats him on the head before disappearing into the girls locker room. There are a few hair dryers in a basket by the mirror, and she grabs one, turning it on and pointing it at the offending wet spot.

“Well, well.” A voice floats in behind Maya, and she grimaces. Just what she needs.

“Missy.” She sighs. The brunette smiles, walking over to see what Maya’s doing.

“Those look a little big for you.” Missy points out.

“No,” Maya mutters, “really?”

Missy’s eyes travel down the length of the pants, settling on the knee that’s almost entirely torn out. Maya remembers when it happened, during an intramural game of football. From the look on Missy’s face, so does she.

“These are Lucas’s jeans.” She says, raising an eyebrow. Maya shrugs. “Why would you have these?”

“They got wet, I said I would dry them for him.” Maya says, sending Missy a patronizing smile. They’ve never gotten along, and Maya can sense when Missy is trying to stir up trouble. Like, for instance, right now.

“They got wet, huh?” Missy asks, eyes sparkling. “You know, I wonder how Riley would feel about that?”

“Wait-” Maya says, realizing what’s happening. “No, Missy-”

But it’s too late. The brunette is gone, leaving Maya with a dry pair of blue jeans and a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She hands the pants to Lucas as she emerges from the locker room, glancing around.

“Thanks.” He takes the pants, sneaking another look at the time. They’ve still got five minutes before class.

“Sure.” She says distractedly. “Hey did Missy say anything to you when she came out?”

Lucas stops halfway through the door of his own changing room.

“Uh, yeah actually. She said ‘Charlie owes me fifty bucks’ and gave me a high five. Why? Do you know what that was about?” He looks at her curiously.

She bites her lip, debating whether to tell him. But they’re almost out of time and she doesn’t want to be late for their presentation.

“Later.” She says, waving him toward the changing room. “We’re going to be late.”

 

Their presentation goes off surprisingly well, even Mr. Matthews looks a little shocked at how much effort they put into it.

“I’ve got to be honest.” He says, scribbling a few more notes on their grading rubric. “I didn’t think you would find anything for that last battle. There are only two books in the library that mention it.”

Maya’s halfway to her feet when she feels Lucas hook his arm around her waist.

“Simmer down, Shortstack.” He whispers in her ear. She shivers, and hopes he doesn’t notice. Cory hands her their grade, and she stares at it in shock. She flips it over when she catches Farkle sneaking a look.

“What did we get?” Lucas asks. Maya carefully passes him the slip of paper.

“Hey!” He lets out a happy exclamation as he scans the page. Suddenly he’s pulling her into a celebratory hug from behind, his arms wrapping around her front and pulling her against him. Her back is pressed against his stomach, and she tries to ignore the way her heart flutters when he squeezes her against him. She’s happy too, she’s never gotten an A before. And more than that, this project was worth forty percent of their grade. Which means at the least, Maya will get a B-. And if she does well on the final she could very well get an A-.

Cory gives them a look to settle down, and they both sink back into their seats.

“So.” Farkle leans over, wiggling his eyebrows at Maya. “What did you get?” It shouldn’t be a competition, not since Maya knows Farkle must have gotten an A as well. But she shrugs, making a zipping gesture across her lips. Farkle leans back in his seat with a huff.

“Are we not telling them?” Lucas asks, surprised. Maya turns as much as she can without attracting Mr. Matthews’ attention.

“I thought maybe this could just be between us for a while.” She whispers back. “Besides, it will drive Farkle crazy not knowing what we got.”

Lucas smirks at that. He’s usually partnered with Farkle, so he knows their friend’s competitive nature all too well.

“Alright.”

The rest of class passes in a blur, partially because a lot of the other presentations are terrible, and partially because Maya slips into her usual half-sleep state sometime during Yogi’s powerpoint about the civil war.

Their next class is English, which Maya and Lucas have together, but Zay and Farkle head off to Spanish. They’ve never exactly gotten assigned seats, but they’ve been sitting in the same spots since the first day. Which is why it takes Maya by surprise when Ana DeSilva sits next to her, in the spot that’s usually Riley’s.

“Um.” Maya says, after about thirty seconds of feeling Ana staring straight through her. She turns to face the other girl, eyebrow raised. “Hi?” Ana smiles at her.

“So, is it true?” She asks. Maya blinks.

“Is what true?”

“You and Lucas…” Ana says, eyes flitting between Maya and him. “You’re finally together?”

Lucas makes a kind of strangled noise behind them, but Maya just frowns at Ana.

“Did you hear that from Missy?”

Ana nods. Maya groans in annoyance, knowing that with Missy’s penchant for gossip it could be halfway across the school by now.

“Well it’s not true. And you can go ahead and tell everyone, _including Missy_.” Ana looks almost disappointed, but nods before sliding back into her regular seat. Maya swivels in her chair, turning to face Lucas.

He’s staring at her.

“What the hell happened in that locker room?” He asks. Maya throws her hands in the air.

“You know Missy…she’s not exactly known for checking her facts, Huckleberry.”

He continues to stare at her, suspicious creeping over his chiseled features.

“Mhmm.” He crosses his arms over his chest, waiting. Maya sighs.

“Okay, I _may_ have said something about getting your pants wet and how I needed to dry them.” She admits, frowning back at him. It might seem stupid, but she doesn’t want Riley coming back to school and hearing the rumour. She’d been freaked out enough about Maya staying at Lucas’s.

She watches him now, and the expression on his face turns incredulous.

“Really? You didn’t realize how that sounds?” He mutters. She sticks her tongue out at him.

“No. It just never occurred to me that people could think we would ever, you know…” She makes a vague gesture, and his eyebrows shoot upwards.

“Because it’s so crazy?” He asks. She nods.

“Exactly.” Even though for some reason it doesn’t sound quite so crazy anymore. Not when he smells good, and he’s grown into someone she’s beginning to realize she trusts almost as much as the girl she’s loved since she was eight. He’s not the same Lucas she looked down on in eighth grade. His eyes seem to go two shades darker, and she realizes she’s staring. She clears her throat and turns her gaze back to the front of the class.

He says something behind her, something that sounds suspiciously like ‘ _is it?_ ’, but she ignores it and pretends to pay attention to Harper’s lesson.

This class doesn’t go by as quickly, Maya can practically feel his breath on her neck and more than once she thinks she feels a tug on her hair. Harper is talking about Romeo and Juliet, and it’s so cliché Maya could laugh.

One of the other girls in class makes a swooning noise. Harper turns on her in amusement.

“Did you have something to add, Jenny?” Harper asks, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s just so romantic.” Jenny says, grinning. Maya can’t help herself, she lets out a snort.

Harper, Jenny, and the rest of the class all swivel to look at her.

“Maya?” Harper asks. She feels herself flush. This is one of the class readings Maya has actually done, and she found it anything but romantic.

“It’s just really not. It was tragic, sure, but romantic? What’s so romantic about a bunch of teenagers killing themselves because of…bad communication?” She shakes her head. “I mean really? They all die for no good reason. It seemed pretty messed up to me.” She feels another tug, this time harder, on a strand of her hair. She half expects Harper to yell at her, but instead the older woman is smiling.

“Hmm. Interesting.” She says, then moves on. When the next tug on her hair comes, Maya spins around in her seat.

“Knock it off.” She hisses. Lucas looks surprised, his fingers still closed around a strand of her hair. He drops it.

“Sorry.” It’s almost like he hadn’t realized he was doing it. She turns back around. “That was kind of cynical.” He points out, his voice a half-whisper. She sighs.

“Cynical is my middle name, Huckleberry.”

She feels another tug on her hair and whips around, livid.

Lucas looks more serious than she’s seen him all day.

“What?” She asks.

“How come you still call me that?” He wonders. Maya blinks.

“Huckleberry?”

He nods. She traces the name someone carved into the top of his desk while she thinks.

“I don’t know. Sometimes things just stick. Like the running joke on how awful my life is.” She finally says with a shrug. His expression turns pained, and she almost regrets saying it.

“We don’t-”

“You do.” She mutters, barely containing the resentment in her voice. She loves her friends, but that joke got old years ago. She’s Maya, and she’s tough, so she never complained about it. But everyone has their sore spots, and this is a bruise that’s never had a chance to heal. Lucas lets go of her hair, and his hand moves as if to grab hers. It stops, barely an inch away.

“I’m sorry.” He says, eyes wide. “I should have known better. You’re not always as tough as you seem.”

She almost spits at that.

“Just because I don’t like being reminded that my dad left, and my mom is broke, and I grew up half on the streets doesn’t mean I’m sensitive, Lucas.” She can’t believe he would try to turn this on her.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” He shakes his head, eyes almost pleading. “I’m sorry. You’re one of the toughest people I know.” He admits. Maya narrows her eyes at him, evaluating. Eventually, she decides to let it go.

“Mhmm.” She mumbles, turning back around.

When school is over, Lucas offers to drive her home. She could get used to this, but she probably shouldn’t. Riley will be back soon and this will all go back to normal.

 _No more one-on-one time with Lucas_ she thinks. But that’s a dangerous line of thought. He’s Riley’s, and even when he’s not he still is. Maya would never even glance over that line. Some things are more important. But she can’t deny that she’ll miss this, the easy banter and the way she’s always laughing, either with him or at him. When he’d closed a hand around her wrist that morning to drag her through the parking lot she had pretended not to like the way it felt. Riley gets upset when he gets angry, acts like she’s afraid of him. Ironically, that’s one of the things they fight the most about. Maya doesn’t mind “Texas Lucas”, as Riley calls him, because she knows what it’s like to struggle to keep that darkness inside. Besides, he would never hurt Riley. Maya’s never questioned that, never doubts him for a moment. She thinks maybe Riley is more afraid that Lucas will hurt his reputation than an actual person.

She looks over at him now, watches as he taps his fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of something that sounds like The Clash. After a couple blocks, he looks over at her.

“What?”

“Let’s get pizza.” It’s the first thing she can think of that doesn’t involve how much she likes just looking at him. He stares at her.

“Lunch was like, two hours ago.” He reminds her, but he’s already making the turn toward their favorite pizza joint. She actually does want pizza, so she rubs her hands together.

“You know,” she says, mouth full of the house special, “I could get used to having a chauffeur.”

He chews silently, rolling his eyes.

“As soon as Riley’s feeling better you’ll forget all about me and Blue.” He says after swallowing.

“HA!” Maya points at him. He almost spits out his drink in surprise.

“Wha-”

“I knew you call her Blue.” She says with a smirk. It takes a second for Lucas to clue in, but when he does he fishes an ice cube out of his cup and throws it at her.

“You know you’re insane, right?” He asks, dodging the piece of mushroom that goes sailing by his ear.

“I do.” She replies happily, taking another bite of pizza. He glances over his glass at her, face lit up with something like affection. It sends a short of warmth through her chest, which she immediately suppresses. Maybe getting pizza wasn’t such a good idea.

“You know you can call me though, right?” Lucas prompts. “If it’s late and you need a ride?”

She flings another topping at him, this time a piece of black olive.

“Look, I’ve been taking the subway since way before you showed up.” She reminds him. “I haven’t died yet.” That doesn’t seem to reassure him, he falls quiet, sipping on his Coke and staring at his plate.

Eventually he looks up, decision in his eyes.

“I got into Cornell. Early admission.” He says, and the sound around them seems to fall away.

“You…” She stares at him. “I thought you were going to go to University of California? Riley’s pretty much accepted her spot at Cal State.”

It’s another sore spot, something that hurts more than her past. Farkle’s going to MIT, Riley and Lucas are going to California, and Maya’s going wherever she gets accepted. Her grades have improved over the years, but she isn’t a straight A student like the others, and her choices are limited. Plus, she isn’t sure she has the funds to go to school out of State. Cornell is one of the ones she applied to, local enough, but not too close to her Mother. Whether she gets in is another thing.

Lucas clears his throat and stirs what’s left of the ice in the bottom of his glass.

“I know, but…Cornell has a really good program for Veterinary sciences. And I know Cal State has an amazing Performing Arts department, and I would never ask Riley to change schools for me.” He shifts in his seat. “Besides, we aren’t together anymore.”

Maya makes a noise of disbelief.

“Yeah, but you’ll be back together by then. That’s still months away.”

He avoids her eyes.

“…right?” She asks, suddenly alert to the point of edginess. He shrugs.

“I don’t know. I think…maybe this is it.” He doesn’t sound sad, just tired. Maya stares at him. She remembers when Riley called her a few months ago, dropping the news that her and Lucas had broken up again. They had a routine at this point, Maya would bring over ice cream and scary movies, and would agree with everything Riley said until her friend fell asleep in a mess of chocolate syrup and smudged mascara. And they’d done that this time too, but there had been no tears, and the sadness in her eyes had been a little more like resignation than anything else.

Still, they’re Riley and Lucas. They’ve been together since Junior High. Maya tells him so.

“I’m just Lucas.” He says, shaking his head. “Riley and me, we don’t make sense the way we used to.” This conversation feels wrong, like talking behind her back. It’s Maya’s turn to be uncomfortable.

“Have you guys talked about it, since…” Since the breakup. Since that night at the party. Since things started to change between Maya and him. He gives her a knowing smile.

“Sort of. She knows I applied to Cornell. You know Riley, she just wants everyone to be happy.”

It’s true. That’s probably why it feels so strange talking about her, as if she weren’t the thread that brought Maya and Lucas together in the first place. But is that even true?

“Do you remember when we first met?” Maya asks, cocking her head. His grin widens.

“Of course, on the subway. Shortest relationship I’ve ever had.” He says, smirking. Maya can’t help but smile back. It’s true. She met him first. But she’d only done it to prove a point to Riley.

“Do you ever think…” She can’t bring herself to finish that sentence. It ends something like ‘about what would have happened if I hadn’t pushed Riley into your lap’. And that’s somewhere in the territory that’s been off-limits from the very first day. So she just trails off and stares pointedly at the napkin in her hands.

He sees to sense her discomfort, and changes the topic.

“So,” Lucas flags over the waiter, and starts digging for his wallet. “What about you? Where did you apply?” Maya notices that he carefully avoids asking where she’s going. She doesn’t know if she can even afford school at all. It depends on scholarships, and her mother, and a million other things that she doesn’t want to talk about.

“Parsons, Rhode Island, Pratt…” She carefully avoids his eyes. “…Cornell.”

But she sees him stiffen out of the corner of her gaze.

“Huh.” He says, almost too casual.

“And a bunch of local colleges.” She shrugs, because she knows that’s most likely where she’ll end up, but it’s not MIT or Harvard or any of the other schools her friends would have applied to and she hates how that feels. Hates that it embarrasses her.

“So you and Riles will probably go off to the West Coast and I’ll be living in Queens, rooming with some guy named Slapstick and a certificate for beauty school.” She sighs. She thought making light of it would help, but it doesn’t.

“I doubt that.” He muses. “You’ll figure something out.” He says it with such confidence that it shakes her. She’s used to pity and patronizing. It’s almost strange to have someone believe in her.

 _I want Maya to be happy._ He’d said that once, a million years ago. She realizes it’s still true.

“Hmm.” She says.

“Who knows, maybe we’ll even end up at Cornell together.”

Maya stares at him, because even Lucas at his most optimistic couldn’t think she would actually get _in_ to Cornell. It was a pipedream, a waste of the eighty dollars she’d paid to apply. She slaps a ten and change down on the table, and he does the same.

The car ride is silent, Maya deep in thought about her future. It’s so close she can almost taste it, but it’s still a blur, still so unclear. Clearly admissions are starting to come in, and she knows the top students get their letters first, so the bundle of rejection is somewhere on it’s way. She groans, flipping her hair over her face. Lucas snorts.

“What are you doing?”

“Hiding from my future.” She informs him. He pulls up in front of her building, sighing.

“Just…don’t write it off yet.” He says, and she peeks through the curtain of her hair at his serious face.

“Alright.” She mutters. “Thanks for the ride.” She exits the truck with a salute, and she can practically hear him rolling his eyes as he drives away. She wants to humor him, but nothing short of a miracle would get her into Cornell. It’s one of the best Fine Arts programs in the country.


	5. Chapter 5

Riley is back in school the next day, and just as Maya expected, they fall into their old routine. She takes the subway to and from school, and the group resumes hanging out in the courtyard at lunch. Maya finds herself biting back jokes from time to time, things no one but Lucas would get. Sometimes it feels like an intrusion, having all these people between them. But Maya’s glad to have her best friend back, and that’s all that matters.

Weeks go by, and admissions letters begin to trickle in. Riley gets into Cal State, the only school she was really interested in. Lucas gets into U of C, like he’d originally hoped, and a couple other schools spread across the country. Farkle gets into everything, but tries to pay his tuition on the spot when he gets his letter from MIT. Zay gets into a couple schools, including U of C with Lucas, but his smile is the widest when he gets his letter from Rice in Houston. It’s the middle of March, decision time. Maya doesn’t open her letters with the others. She gets rejected from Cal State, which she couldn’t afford to go to anyways, and Columbia, which was a pipe dream, and gets into Rhode Island. She’s waitlisted for Parsons and Pratt. But even if she gets in…she’s starting to realize exactly how out of reach it might be, financially, for her to go to school at all. The others don’t ask her too much about it, know she’ll tell them when she’s ready. Maya keeps Riley in the loop though.

One day they’re sitting in the bay window, and Maya feels a pressure in her chest that stops her breath in her lungs.

“Maya?” Riley looks up from the Ikea catalog in her hands. Her smile drops off when she sees Maya. “Hey, are you okay? What’s wrong?” She leans forward, putting her hands on Maya’s face.

“I…” Maya isn’t sure she can explain it. One minute they were looking at desks for Riley’s dorm room in California, and the next she was thinking about her best friend living three thousand miles away. And she can’t breathe.

Riley drops the magazine, scooting closer. She knows, because that’s just how things are between them.

“I know.” She murmurs, pulling Maya into a hug.

“I don’t want you to go.” Maya says.

 _Selfish._ She thinks. Riley sighs.

“I don’t want to go either, Peaches. You should just come with me. You could go to Coastline.” She suggests. Maya makes a face. While she did get accepted to the college in Long Beach, and it would be close to Riley, the Arts program is hardly worth the price of the plane ticket.

“I can’t.” She sighs. If she’s going to go into debt getting a degree, it might as well be one that’s worth it. But her heart aches with longing at the idea of following Riley to the West Coast. They’ve never really been apart.

“What am I going to do without you?” Riley asks with a sigh, propping her chin on Maya’s head. Maya chuckles.

“You’re going to end up with so many bunnies.” She mutters. Every few weeks Riley tries to bring a new rabbit home, smuggling it in through the window. Maya, without fail, takes them back to the park while her best friend sleeps. She loves Riley, but the girl can barely keep a goldfish alive. The top of her head begins to feel wet, and she glances up to see tears running down Riley’s face. “Oh, Riles.” She sighs.

“Am I making a mistake? I don’t want to leave you, Maya.” She sniffles. Maya smiles, even though it feels like her heart is breaking a little.

“No.” She says firmly, and in that moment she knows it’s the truth. “You’re not making a mistake. Cal State is perfect for you, you’re going to be amazing, and you’re going to become a movie star, and I will _always_ be there for you.” She believes that. There are some friendships that distance can’t break. Theirs is one of them. She knows it.

Riley falls silent, and the tears stop.

“Do you know…” She asks tentatively. Maya pulls away. Biting her lip, she reaches into her bag, and pulls out an envelope. She hands it to Riley, who turns it over in her hands. “Cornell.” She realizes, looking up at Maya in surprise. “You haven’t opened it?”

Maya shakes her head. It doesn’t matter, really, whether or not she got in. She’s pretty sure she can’t afford to go unless she gets a full ride. And with her grades, that’s beyond unlikely. Riley’s fingers flutter at the seal, and Maya nods her on. She rips the top open, and pulls a bundle of papers from inside. There are enough there to make Maya’s heart beat faster. Rejection letters usually aren’t that thick.

“Miss Hart,” Riley reads, “we are very pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Cornell University.” She looks up, mouth hanging open. “ _Maya_.”

Maya stares at her, and this time it’s her turn to cry. Riley sets the letter aside, scooping Maya back into her arms.

“I can’t afford to go.” She says feebly, collapsing into Riley in a way she normally would never let herself. But she’s been carrying this weight around for months, and it’s beginning to eat at her. The education she wants, the future she wants, it’s right in front of her. And she can’t have it.

“We’ll figure it out.” Riley says, and something about the words and her confidence remind Maya of Lucas. “We’re going to make this work.”

 

A few days later, Mr. Matthews comes up to her in the hallway. Riley and Farkle are still in AP Lit, so it’s just Maya and Lucas sitting at the bottom of the stairs.  

“Maya.” He cocks his head, studying her. “Can I talk to you?” She’s too lazy to get up, so she just shrugs. Cory frowns, looking at Lucas.

“I’ll just…” He begins to walk off, but Maya catches him by the back of the shirt.

“You can stay.” She tells him. Both men look at her, but she just throws her hands in the air.

“Come on Mr. Matthews, I can’t take the suspense.” She jokes. He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, then hands it to her.

“I know some people,” He says, eyes shifting between her and Lucas. “At Cornell. They called me to ask for a recommendation and…” He gestures at the paper. Maya unfolds it, then reads aloud.

“ _Dear Mr. Matthews,_

 _We were very impressed by your recommendation and have reconsidered Ms. Hart’s application for financial aid. Upon reflection, FAFSA has decided she qualifies for the Pell grant, and furthermore we would like to offer her our Thompson Scholarship for students gifted in the Fine Arts_.”

Maya stops reading and stares at him. Her hand is still fisted in Lucas’s shirt. Cory smiles at her.

“That’s…the Pell grant is five grand.” She says. It’s barely half her tuition for the year, but it’s still a lot of money. Cory smiles. “And the Thompson Scholarship is-”

“It’s basically a full ride.” Lucas says. She turns to stare at him in surprise.

“How do you know that?” She gapes. He rubs the back of his neck, a red tinge creeping across his cheeks.

“I looked it up.” He mutters. Cory clears his throat, and Maya turns her attention back to him.

“I can’t…” She says, the pressure behind her eyes building. “Thank you.” She manages. And then she throws herself at him, startling him into stumbling back a couple steps. But then his arm winds around her, the other hand patting her on the head.

“You’re welcome.  You deserve it, Maya.” He sounds a little choked up. Maya releases him and takes in his glassy eyes with a smile. Kermit might not have been a father to her, but she can’t deny that there were times, both before and after Shawn came into their lives, when Cory was. And this is just one more thing she’ll owe him for. His face turns a little more serious. “In order to be officially eligible you need to submit a five page essay and two pieces of original artwork. Do you think you can handle that?”

She nods. He gives her a last pat on the back, and then leaves. Maya lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

It isn’t until Lucas speaks that she remembers he’s there.

“Congratulations.”

She squeaks in surprise and looks up to see him smiling at her.

“Thanks.” She says, still in shock. She just stares at him for a minute, and then she lets out a whoop of elation. It suddenly hits her, like a million doors slamming open at once. “Oh my god!” She shouts, leaping at him. He catches her, and the embrace is pure joy. She’s laughing, and her arms wind tightly around him, like he _is_ this feeling and she never wants to let it go. The longer she holds on the more reluctant she is to pull away. But eventually she can feel his heart beating against her own chest, and she’s painfully aware of how good he smells, and she’s half way to pressing her lips against his neck when she realizes what she’s doing. So she pulls back and staggers away. He looks like she feels, happy and skittish and nervy.

“So.” He clears his throat. “I guess we’re going to the same school.”

She hadn’t even thought of that. Her heart continues to pound in her chest.

“Uh.” She blinks. “Yeah.” And the thought of having Lucas there, even with Riley across the country and this thing hanging between them like a phantom, eases the aching in her chest. It’s a good thing, she realizes. Having someone. And Lucas is certainly someone.

The bell rings, and as happens in high school, the halls fill with students. Riley finds them, weaving through the sea of bodies. She glances between Maya and Lucas, face carefully neutral.

“What’s going on?” She asks. Maya just hands over the letter, because she’s not sure she could find the words. Riley scans it, then shrieks.

“MAYA!” She shouts, tackling her friend and sending them both staggering into the stair railing. Maya hugs her back, fighting the happy tears, because she has a feeling she’ll need them in a few months when it really is goodbye. Farkle appears, jumping into the mess of limbs and long hair. Zay is close on his heels.

“What are we doing?” Farkle asks, as the four of them rock back and forth, an entwined ball of smiles.

“Maya’s going to Cornell.” Lucas tells him, hanging back and watching the others with a grin. Farkle instantly begins spouting a list of the best courses offered in the Arts program there, but Maya can’t hear him. All she can see, as she sways on the spot, arms wrapped around her closest friends, is Lucas. The light is filtering down on him, casting his already tanned skin in a golden glow. He looks far too angelic for her usual taste. And yet.

The friends break apart, Farkle patting her on the arm and Riley singing Cornell’s school song, which Maya doesn’t have a clue how she knows, and Maya can’t take her eyes off Lucas.

But school is out, and they can’t linger in the hallway all day.

“We should celebrate!” Riley says, clapping her hands together. “We’ve all figured out where we’re going to go. Jenny O’Leary is throwing a party, we should go.”

It’s a Friday, and Jenny’s parties are always an absolute gong show, so Maya makes no protest. It will be good to let off some steam. Maya and Riley head to the Matthews’, the boys promising to meet them there later. 


	6. Chapter 6

Maya lets Riley do her hair, her thoughts wandering. Getting into Cornell was a miracle, getting that funding…that was something she still couldn’t believe. Her lips curl in a soft smile, and she catches Riley’s eye in the mirror.

“What’s up?” Riley asks, setting down the curling iron.

“I’m just happy.” Maya murmurs. “I didn’t think I could be.” Her friend regards her with a mixture of affection and sadness. Maya would think it was pity, if she didn’t know better. Riley gives her shoulder a squeeze, then resumes curling Maya’s hair.

In twenty minutes they’re both dressed and ready to go, and they hear a tap on the window. Cory and Topanga gave up on encouraging the group to use the front door years ago. Maya slides it open and Lucas, Farkle and Zay climb in.

They’re practically matching in their dark wash jeans and button up-shirts. But then again, that’s typically the uniform for high school parties.

As they straighten up, Farkle takes in the girls’ outfits with a whistle.

“Hey.” He grins wolfishly at both of them. “You guys look great.”

Riley gives a little twirl, showing off the way her black high-waisted skirt hugs her body. She layered a sheer blue blouse over a plain white tank top, and tucked them both into the skirt. At 5’10 she decided not to wear heels, instead opting for her favorite gold flats.

Maya watches Lucas give Riley a once-over, and tells herself that’s a good thing. They’ll get back together and everything will go back to normal. But her heart kicks when he looks at her, and his eyes linger a lot longer than they did on Riley.

This party was an excuse to bust out her new leather skirt, the slick black material clinging to curves that make Riley’s look modest. She’s tucked one of her burnout Zeppelin tank tops into it, and as he watches her she slips into a pair of towering black heels. She’s short enough that she still barely comes up to Lucas’s nose.

They grab their jackets, burgundy leather for Maya and a white blazer for Riley, and climb through the window after the boys. Having years of practice, Maya gracefully maneuvers the grated fire escape in her heels, pausing only to glance at the four foot drop when they reach the bottom. It’s never an issue in sneakers, but-

“I’ll catch you.” Lucas says, watching her hesitate. She shrugs, because refusing means she’ll be up here all night.

“Don’t drop me.” She warns, a real threat in her voice. He just rolls his eyes as Riley jumps and lands beside him.

She makes the jump, and hits his arms softly. They’re firm and warm, and he smells even better than usual. She’s breathing him in, and it’s making her dizzy.

“Put me down.” She says breathlessly, smacking one of those irritatingly hard biceps. He does, though his hands linger at her waist. “Lets go.” She takes off toward Blue, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. She can’t deny that she’s attracted to him, not anymore, but he’s not hers to want.

Riley and the boys pile into the backseat before Maya gets a say, leaving her to hop reluctantly into the passenger side. The party isn’t too far, about ten minutes of Riley singing and Farkle talking about MIT and Zay complaining about how much he misses his girlfriend, Vanessa. Maya sits in silence, ignoring the questioning looks Lucas throws her every few minutes.

The party, apparently, is in full swing when they arrive. Jenny set up a mini DJ station, complete with a microphone and turntable, and bodies all around them are pulsing to the music.

“Huh.” Maya says, looking around. It’s barely nine thirty, and she can’t imagine this party will go on for more than an hour or two before burning itself out. The room smells like beer and sweat and weed, and the couches are covered in couples stuck together at the mouth. Riley heads off to find a sealed can of Coke somewhere, Farkle right behind her.

Someone’s phone rings and then Zay disappears, mumbling something about Vanessa.

And just like that Maya and Lucas are alone. He nudges her with his shoulder, shaking his head when she jumps.

“We’re supposed to be celebrating.” He reminds her. Maya sighs, heading for the keg in front of them.

“Alright.” She agrees, filling up a cup for each of them. He hesitates.

“Just one, Huckleberry. You’ll be fine to drive.” She knows him, knows he’ll refuse if he really doesn’t want it. He takes the cup, raising it in a toast.

“To Cornell.” He says, and Maya’s heart thuds at the meaning of it. Cornell. Together. She taps his cup with hers, then downs half of it. Something about him is making her nervous tonight. It might be the way he’s standing so close to her, because of the loud music, or maybe it’s the fact that she can still feel the hard muscles of his chest against her back from where he caught her. Or maybe it’s just that Maya has always has a bad habit of wanting things she can’t have. After finishing her beer in two gulps, she refills.

“Cornell.” She declares, lips twitching at the look on Lucas’ face.

“Um.” He says, watching her drink. “Should you slow down?”

She makes a face.

“I’ll pace myself, don’t worry Dad.”

His expression changes from concern to annoyance.

“Don’t call me Dad.” He mutters. “That’s weird.”

“Is Daddy better?” She asks, fluttering her eyelashes at him. Someone bumps into her, and Maya shuffles away from the Keg. Lucas glowers.

“No. That’s worse.”

She shrugs, sighing.

“Fine, I’ll stick with the classics. Come on, Sunshine, lets go find our girl.” She heads off into the crowd, eyes scanning for Riley. She knows Lucas is following her, there’s an electric charge at her back that’s never really there for any other reason. She frowns as they make their way through the house, hitting a dead end at a linen closet. Maya turns around, hands on her hips.

“Where are they?” Lucas asks, face mirroring hers.

“I don’t know.” She has yet to get even a buzz going, and wandering around the house looking for their friends isn’t exactly helping. She digs out her phone, firing off a message to the others. “But I’m all out of beer.” Waving her empty cup at him, Maya marches back toward the living room, and the keg. Just as they pass one of the bedrooms, a hand snakes out to catch her wrist.

To her surprise, it doesn’t belong to Lucas.

“Maya?” A boy with a mop of dark curly hair squints down at her. She smiles politely.

“Ty. Hi.” She says, nodding. Ty is clearly drunk, still steady on his feet, but his smile is a little too wide, and a glowing flush has spread across his face. Lucas steps forward, now hovering beside her instead of behind her.

“Hi.” Lucas greets the other boy, looking curious. Maya realizes Lucas is probably wondering why he doesn’t recognize him.

“This is Ty.” Maya says, introducing them. “Ty…goes to NYU. Ty this is Lucas.” They shake hands.

“How do you two know each other?” Lucas asks, glancing between them. Maya wonders exactly how much of the truth she’s prepared to tell him.

“We met at a party.” She says vaguely. Ty laughs.

“Well, we met at a bar. It just happened to also be a party.” He says, chuckling. “The guys didn’t know how old she was. Not that it mattered, I guess.” He winks. Lucas just looks more confused, and a little annoyed. The last thing Maya wants is all this dredged up again, with Kermit coming back into her life she has enough ghosts on her hands.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, hoping to change the subject. It’s not usual for NYU students to hang out at high school parties, the ones on campus are legendary, and far superior. She knows that from experience. Ty blinks.

“Oh, my friend Allie is babysitting her sister. Jenny I think? We’re _supervising_ the party.”  He puts air quotes around the word supervising. Maya smirks.

“That sounds like the worst possible plan her parents could have come up with.” She notes. He just shrugs.

“Hey, Josh is here.” Ty says suddenly, raising his eyebrows. “If you want to say Hi.”

Beside her, Lucas stiffens.

“Maybe later.” Maya says. She smiles, but it’s forced, and even Ty can see it.

“Of course.” He looks uncomfortable. “I’ll let you kids get back to the party. Keep in touch, Hart. The gang misses you.” He pulls her in for a sloppy hug, and the smell of clove cigarettes hits her like a wave of nostalgia.

“I miss you guys too.” She says, pulling away. Ty raises his bottle of Keith’s at Lucas.

“Nice to meet you, Lucas.” Lucas nods.

“You too.” And then he’s dragging her back down the hallway. Maya’s quiet as they head into the kitchen, and she walks right past the keg.

“What are you doing?” Lucas asks, as she digs in her purse. She ignores him, sifting through the mess of crumpled receipts and candy wrappers until she finds what she’s looking for.

“Looking for this.” She says, holding up the flask with a grin. He eyes it suspiciously.

“Well.” He mutters. “You came prepared.”

She unscrews the top and takes a long swig. It burns as it goes down, but it helps to distract her from the flood of memories that seeing Ty has apparently let loose. She sits down at one of the dining room chairs, and Lucas does the same, carefully avoiding the guy sleeping with his head on the table across from them.

It’s not quiet, by any means. The music is loud, and so are the people, and there’s something about the low lighting that makes it all feel muffled. She checks her phone.

_I think Zay’s outside Skyping V. Me and Farkle are playing Wii in the basement. Where are you??_

And then another text, four minutes after the first.

_My uncle’s here._

Maya reads that one with a sigh. The warning was too little too late, but she loves Riley for trying.

“They’re in the basement.” Maya tells Lucas, holding up her phone. He nods. She doesn’t really feel like playing Wii, and it sounds like Josh is down there anyways, so she makes no move to stand.

“So who was that guy?” Lucas asks, cocking his head. She sighs.

“Friend of Josh’s.” She mumbles. With the exception of Riley, her friends know next to nothing about her relationship with Josh. It was short, and messy. At first she didn’t tell anyone to protect him, and then it became something she didn’t want to talk about at all. Maya met a girl in one of the art classes she was taking at a local college during the summer, a girl who happened to be friend of Josh’s. Hanging out with that group had turned miraculously into hanging out with Josh, and eventually they both stopped pretending they could just be friends.

But he was still three years older than her, and she had been sixteen when it started, and that had it’s complications.

Lucas is looking at her now, as though he’s trying to figure it all out. He knows she isn’t telling him something.

“I met Ty when Josh took me to a New Year’s Eve party at NYU.” She says, realizing he probably isn’t going to let this go. His eyebrows fly up.

“When _Josh_ took you to a New Year’s Eve party? I didn’t know you guys hung out.” He sounds a little hurt that she didn’t tell him.

“Well, that’s because I didn’t tell anyone. Anyways, I haven’t seen him in a while, so.” She tries to send the message that this topic is closed for discussion, but he presses on.

“How did you get into a bar?” He wonders. Maya rolls her eyes.

“I have a fake ID. And Josh knows the bouncer there. Look, we dated for a couple of months, okay? And it didn’t end great. So I don’t really feel like talking about this.” She folds her arms across her chest and stares at Yogi who’s standing in the corner, struggling to turn on the blender. Lucas doesn’t say anything, and after a while she looks over at him. Something about the thin line of his mouth tips her off to his mood.

“Now, what?”

“Just to clarify,” he says quietly, “you were dating Josh. Not the bouncer?” She snorts.

“The bouncer? Katrina?”

His lips twitch, but he doesn’t smile.

“Yeah.” Maya sighs. “Josh.”

That earns her a nod, Lucas leaning back in his seat, never taking his eyes off her.

“Isn’t that…” He scrunches up his face, looking for a word. “Illegal?”

Maya almost spits out her mouthful of rum.

“No.” She sputters. “It’s not _illegal_. God.” But her face flames anyways, because she doubts he’s the only one to wonder that. There’s a reason they hid their relationship from their friends, their families.

“When?” Lucas asks.

“What is this, twenty questions?” She takes another big swig from her flask, that familiar fuzzy feeling finally making an appearance. “I guess it started around Thanksgiving. And it was over by Valentine’s Day, so.” She shrugs like it doesn’t matter. But she can still remember every word, the way he looked when he told her he didn’t want a relationship he had to hide. That it wasn’t fair to either of them. _I want better for you_ , he’d said. _I just want you_ , had been her reply. But in the end he was right and she knew that.

Standing, she blinks as the full effect of the alcohol hits her. There’s something about standing up that always makes it explicitly clear how drunk you are. She’d rate herself at about a 3 on a scale of buzzed to blackout.

“Let’s go find Riley.” She says, pushing her way toward the stairs. Lucas catches her by the arm.

“Maya…” There’s conflict on his face, and he opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. She waits, and when he doesn’t speak, she turns on her heel. Navigating the stairs is a little more difficult in her current state, but she’s had a lot of practice. Some guy she doesn’t know holds out his hand when she wobbles.

“Need help?” He asks, grinning.

“No.” She pushes past him, making it about two or three steps before he’s suddenly in front of her again.

“You sure? You’ve got good legs, girl. I wouldn’t want you to fall on them.” He’s persistent, and she doesn’t recognize him, so she can only assume he came with Ty’s group. He would be cute, if he wasn’t in her way, so she just shakes her head and keeps walking. For the first time all night, Lucas isn’t behind her, but her newfound “friend” follows her as she hits the bottom of the stairs and looks around for Riley.

“Are there people playing Wii down here?” She asks him, because he might as well make himself useful if he’s going to blatantly check her out like this. He looks surprised at having been spoken to, but nods.

“Yeah.” He points to a closed door halfway down the hallway. When she tries to move that way, he blocks her path. Upstairs, there were people everywhere, they were practically packed shoulder to shoulder. But it’s quieter down here, and she feels a twinge of annoyance at Lucas for not being around.

“Can I help you?” She asks pointedly. He smells like vodka and weed, blonde hair styled neatly into a swoop. He’s cute. Still, she’s not interested.

“I’m Aiden. What’s your name? You look familiar.” He mutters, squinting at her. His arms come up on either side of her, caging her against the wall. She tries to slip under them, but he’s pinning her too tightly.

“I’m a friend of-”

But then he’s gone, shoved away, and Maya takes a deep breath that doesn’t smell like alcohol. She looks up, expecting to see Lucas, but instead she finds a pair of dark brown eyes and black hair.

“Josh.” She breathes. They haven’t spoken since the break up. She needed to move on, and she suspects he was doing the same. Aiden is standing behind him, rubbing his arm where Josh grabbed it.

“Hey.” Josh says, eyes running over her. Whether he’s checking her out, or just checking for injuries, she feels a pang of sadness.

“You know her?” Aiden asks, shaking his head. “I thought she looked familiar.” Josh turns to stare at him.

“Yeah? That why you were bothering her?” There’s a definite edge to his voice, and it seems to catch Aiden by surprise.

“Hey man, I wasn’t-”

Just then someone comes jogging down the stairs, stopping when they catch sight of Maya standing next to Josh. Lucas frowns, eyes flitting over to where Aiden stands.

“What’s going on?” He asks, staring at where Josh’s hand sits on Maya’s shoulder. She sighs.

“Nothing. Where have you been?”

“I was talking to Zay. Hey.” Lucas says, nodding at Josh. The older boy gives a little wave.

“Friar.” He says, his hand still on her shoulder. The energy in the room is getting weird. Maya looks at Josh.

“Is Riley down here?” She wants to get away from him, because his touch is still too familiar, and it’s confusing her in a way she doesn’t like at all.

“Yeah. She’s in there.” He points out the same room Aiden did. Then he leans in a little closer. “Are you okay?”

She shivers as his breath hits her neck.

“Yeah. Thank you.” And then she steps away, needing some distance. His hand falls to his side.

“Okay, well I’m going to get a drink. I’ll…see you.” He says quietly. Maya nods, then watches him disappear up the stairs, Aiden right behind him. 


	7. Chapter 7

When they’re alone, Lucas turns to her, eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hair.

“Should I even ask?”

She groans.

“If I said no, would that stop you?”

He deadpans.

“No. What happened?” He asks, voice low.

“Boy followed me down stairs. Boy got a little handsy. Josh to the rescue, not that I needed him.” She ticks the points off on her fingers. Lucas’s face turns stormy.

“What do you mean handsy? Are you okay?” He’s suddenly very close to her, fingers under her chin, eyes sweeping her body.

“I’m _fine_.” She swats him away. His eyes are dark on hers, and she shivers a little. Having Josh this close was confusing. Having Lucas this close drains every coherent thought from her head. “Back off, Texas.” She warns him, voice barely a whisper. He does, dropping his hand.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” His regret is obvious. “Zay came in to tell me that he was leaving, him and Vanessa got in a fight or something, and-”

“Hey, it’s all good.” Maya cuts him off. “Josh was here.” Besides, she can take care of herself. He knows that by now. Then again he still won’t let her ride the subway at night, so maybe he doesn’t.

“Hmm.” Is all he says, jaw clenched. She takes that in with interest.

“Something wrong?”

He shakes his head.

“Come on.” He mutters, grabbing her hand and tugging her down the hall. She doesn’t say anything about that, relishing the feeling of his hand in hers. One of these days she’s going to have to get a grip on these feelings, just not tonight, when she’s full of beer and rum and daydreams about her future.

He swings open the door, and they stumble into a room nearly as packed as the upstairs, people crowded around a group playing Rockband. Riley is on the drums, doing surprisingly well. Farkle is sitting on the floor beside her, texting. Maya waits for the song to finish, then walks over.

“Wow, you gave Dave Grohl a run for his money.” She says, dropping onto the carpet next to Farkle. Riley claps her hands, clearly more drunk than Maya.

“Peaches!” She shouts, giving Maya a hug. Lucas raises an eyebrow at Farkle.

“You let this happen?” He asks, sounding more amused than anything else. Farkle sighs.

“She snuck off with Charlie and came back like this. I was too late.”

Maya’s lips twitch. Riley is a ray of sunshine when she’s sober, and drunk she becomes a caricature of herself. It’s always entertaining, if a little exhausting.

“Maya.” Riley says seriously. “You should sing.” She presses a microphone into her hand.

Maya’s about to protest when she hears someone shout behind her.

“Jailbait!”

She swivels around to see a blonde girl and a redheaded boy approaching.

“Hey.” She greets them, cringing internally. This is quickly turning into one of the worst parties she’s been to. Her friends are hovering curiously behind her, so she introduces the newcomers. “Guys, this is Emma and Sam. They’re friends of-”

“Josh’s.” Lucas guesses, looking like he’s fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “Hi, I’m Lucas.” He holds out his hand. The others introduce themselves as well.

“Maya’s going to sing.” Riley announces, and Emma grins.

“Oh, good. I haven’t heard you sing since karaoke night at the pub.”

Lucas leans in, whispering in her ear.

“Did they call you Jailbait?” He asks. She bites her lip.

“They all called me that.” She whispers back. His face is stony when she turns to look at him. Wanting to break the tension, she turns to their lead guitarist, a guy she had Biology with last semester. “So, what are we playing?”

He glances at the screen.

“Next up is Are You Gonna Be My Girl.”

Of course.

“Set it up.” She tells him. Riley squeals in delight, nearly toppling off her drummer’s stool. He does, and as the song loads, Maya whips out her flask, deciding she’s not nearly drunk enough for this yet. She hands it over to Farkle when the lyrics scroll down the screen, her palm sweaty on the mic.

 _1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me,_  
Because you look so fine,  
And I really want to make you mine.

She’s not used to the rough notes, she’s a crooner if anything, but her voice finds the sweet spot and soon the whole room is on it’s feet.

 _Big black boots,_  
Long blonde hair,   
She's so sweet   
With her get back stare.

Riley bangs away on the drums beside her, and she’s happy, again, just like that. Her eyes fall on her best friend, flailing away beside her, and Maya knows she’ll miss this like a hole in her heart.

 _Uh, be my girl,_  
               Be my girl.  
               Are you gonna be my girl?

The song finishes to a roaring and somewhat rowdy audience. As Maya takes a sweeping bow, along with Riley and their guitarists, Maya realizes that at some point Josh snuck back into the room.

Emma and Sam are cheering beside her, and she laughs.

Riley’s cheering too, turning in circles. Suddenly, she turns a little green, falling over sideways.

“Oh.” Maya leans over her friend. “You okay, Riles?” Riley shakes her head.

“I don’t feel good.”

Maya sighs.

“Time to get you home.” She waves Lucas over. “Do you want to get her into the truck? I’ll meet you there.” He nods.

Farkle gets up too, following them out. Maya watches them go, then walks over to where Josh is standing.

“Hey.” She says. He smiles.

“Hi. That was quite a performance.”

She blushes despite herself.

“Thanks. And I just wanted to say thank you, for earlier.”

His smile falls away, replaced with concern.

“I’m sorry about Aiden, we shouldn’t have brought him.” He murmurs. Maya looks at her feet.

“I can take care of myself, you know.” She tells him, looking back up at his face. He smirks

“Oh I know. I’ll never forget the time you punched that guy on the subway.” His eyes light up at the memory, but Maya winces.

“You ended up with a black eye because of that.” She reminds him. He doesn’t seem to mind.

“You were worth it.”

She misses him. It seems pointless to deny it. But she doesn’t miss him the way she used to, with a longing like physical pain. It’s faded, she realizes, more than she knew.

“I…” She can’t think of anything to say. “I think I just wanted to talk to you.” That slips out accidentally, the liquor loosening her tongue. He looks surprised. “Not because, um, you know. But I just…” She trails off. “I should go.”

He nods, and to her surprise, pulls her into a hug.

“I miss you, too.” He whispers. And for some reason that doesn’t hurt. It washes over her like a deep breath, a relief. Closure.

She pulls away.

“Bye.”

The stairs are a little harder now that her flask is almost empty, and she stumbles at the top. A strong pair of hands catch her right before she hits the floor.

“Thanks.” She mutters. Lucas lets go, but she wobbles, so he just wraps an arm around her waist.

“Ready to go?”

She nods.

He helps her outside, and opens the truck door. She just blinks at him.

“What?”

“I think I need help getting in.” She admits. He snorts, gripping her by the hips and lifting her easily into the truck.

“Thanks, Hercules.” She smiles to herself, buckling in.

By the time they get to the Matthews’, Riley is asleep. Maya leans back, shaking her awake.

“Riles. Wake up.”

The brunette snuffles, then slowly sits up.

“Home?” She asks sleepily. Maya nods, then jumps out of the truck. She’d ditched her shoes on the ride, and it makes it a lot easier to support her unsteady friend. Lucas trails behind them as they make their way up the stairs.

“Are you not wearing shoes?” He asks. Maya shrugs, her arm around Riley’s waist.

“You’re so observant.”

“There could be glass. Or needles. Or-”

“An annoying overprotective Huckleberry?”

His sigh follows them into the elevator.

“Why do you always have to be so-”

“Awesome, amazing, incredi-”

“Reckless.” He mutters. She stares at him in surprise.

“You think I’m reckless?” Something in her tone makes Riley upset.

“Don’t fight.” She mumbles. Maya pats her on the shoulder.

“We’re not fighting, honey.”

The elevator doors open, and Maya prods her forward.

“You always fight.” Riley sighs. “But it’s not like when we fight, you know?”

Maya doesn’t know, actually. She holds out a hand to stop Lucas.

“You should probably wait out here. Matthews isn’t going to be happy.” She tells him. Reluctantly, he stays back. Maya swings the door open, and just her luck, Topanga is sitting on the couch. She looks up when the girls come in, taking in the way her daughter is swaying with every step.

“Maya?” She asks, warily. Maya sighs.

“She’s fine. Just a little too much…dancing.”

Topanga doesn’t buy it.

“Mhmm.” She hurries forward, and stands in front of them with her arms crossed.

“Mom?” Riley asks.

“Yes, dear.”

“I don’t feel good.”

Topanga fights a smile, then sighs.

“I think tomorrow morning is going to be punishment enough.” Maya suggests. Topanga rolls her eyes.

“Alright. I’ve got it from here. Thanks for bringing her home.”

Maya hands the limp brunette over to her mother.

“Do you have a ride home?” Topanga asks, as Maya turns to leave. She nods. “Then we’ll talk about this tomorrow.” There’s a threat there, but that’s nothing new.

“Okay. Sorry.” Maya feigns remorse as she dashes for the door. Lucas is waiting outside, leaning against the wall.

“Good?” He asks. She bites her lip.

“Um.” She says. But he seems to get the message.

“Farkle just texted me. He’s going to take the subway to Smackle’s.”

Maya narrows her eyes at him.

“Oh so _Farkle_ is allowed to take the subway at night.” She mutters, pushing past him into the elevator. “But _I-_ ”

“You are a girl. Who looks like that.” He retorts. Maya blinks. The elevator shudders as it hits the ground floor.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.” His voice is low and deep, she can almost feel it against her skin. Maybe she does know, but she wants him to say it. The doors open, and he walks out, leaving her to follow him to the car, a little dazed.

“Lucas-” but she breaks off as something sharp pierces her foot, and she screeches in pain.

“What?” He whips around to find her sitting in the middle of the road.

“I…” She grimaces. This is going to turn into an I-told-you-so.

“You stepped on something, didn’t you?” He asks, eyes scanning for cars as he makes his way over to her.

“No.” She sticks her chin out stubbornly.

“Maya.”

“Fine. Help.” She holds out her hands. He sighs, and ignoring her outstretched hands he scoops her into his arms. “What are you doing?” She asks. The swaying motion as he carries her toward the truck makes her head spin.

“I’m helping.”

She leans back against his chest, sighing.

“Six.” Her voice is muffled by his shirt. It smells like him, and a little like Riley’s perfume. She wonders if he carried her to the truck like this too.

“What?”

“I think, on my buzzed to blackout scale, I’m a six.”

The liquor is hitting her hard now, and she groans as he sets her down inside the truck.

“Great.” He mutters. “Show me your foot.” She sticks out her tongue.

“What kind of fetish-”

“ _Maya_.”

She shows him her foot. It’s dark, and she reaches up to turn on the inside light in the truck. When the light clicks on, Lucas swears.

“Jesus. What the hell did you step on?” His fingers are light on her foot, gentle, but its burning and aching and stinging all at the same time. She squints against the haze in her mind, and sees that her entire foot is smeared with blood. Her stomach turns.

“I don’t know.” She says queasily. He looks up at her face, studying it.

“I just want to make sure it wasn’t a needle or something. Don’t move.”

She makes a face, because they both know she’s not going anywhere, and then he disappears back onto the road. The seat is cold against her legs. She shivers, and then once she’s started she can’t stop. She looks in the back for her jacket, then groans. It’s still at Jenny’s.

“Good news. It was just a disgusting rusted Pepsi can. I hope you’ve had your Tetanus shot.” Lucas says, climbing into his truck. “Are you okay? We’ll clean your foot up at my place.”

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Because,” he turns the key, sighing when the engine dies. “I can hear your teeth chattering from here.” Once again, he turns the key, and the engine turns over before falling silent.

“Come on, Blue.” Maya pats the dash. Lucas fiddles with the ignition and it roars to life.

“Of course.” Lucas sighs, rolling his eyes.

“She likes me.” Maya grins. Then she shivers, violently. “It’s cold.”

Lucas frowns at her, eyes flicking toward her foot.

“Uh, it’s not far. Here.” He grabs his own leather jacket from behind him, and throws it at her. She pulls it around her shoulders, but it doesn’t help much. It was already cold from sitting in the car, and the shivering just gets worse.

“You drive…like…Pappy Joe.” She manages, her teeth chattering. Lucas snorts, but his forehead is creased in concern, and the truck speeds up.

“Pappy Joe drives like a crazy person. Memaw on the other hand…I used to pass her on my bike.”

“I’m sorry.” Maya says, gaping at him. “Did…you say…Memaw?” Her words are barely legible due to the shaking and the chattering, but he purses his lips.

“Probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Mmm.” She acknowledges. They pull up outside his building. This time she doesn’t even try to get out on her own, even dulled by the alcohol the pain in her foot is tremendous. Lucas hops out and comes around the truck to get her.

“Woah.” He inhales when he picks her up, one hand around her waist the other under her bare legs. “You’re freezing.”

“I told you.” But he’s warm, deliciously so, and she snuggles into his chest. She slides one hand slightly under the neck of his shirt.

“Shit!” He yelps. “Your hands are freezing.” Her eyes are closed, but they’re swaying again, so she knows he’s walking.

“You’re warm.” She says happily. Then a burst of warm air hits, and she opens her eyes. They’re in the lobby of his building, the doorman glancing after them in concern. “Geoff’s worried.”

“You know the name of my weekend doorman?” He asks.

“Of course. Geoff and I go wayyy back.”

“I think you’re drunk.”

“I think you’re right.”

They stop in front of his door, and he frowns. He doesn’t seem to want to put Maya down, but-

“Where are your keys?” She asks.

“Back left pocket.”

She maneuvers her arm around his waist, sliding her hand into his back pocket. Her grin is automatic when his eyebrows shoot up. Her fingers close around the keys and she pulls them out. Lucas turns a little, to angle her toward the door, and she fits the keys into the lock, then swings the handle open.

“Voila.”

He snickers.

“You’re wasted. I’m surprised you could even get the keys in the door.”

That earns him a blow to the head, and he staggers. Maya groans again at the movement, she’s starting to feel nauseous.

“Where’s your mother?” All the lights are off, and it’s too quiet for anyone to be here. Besides, she doubts Lucas would let her make all this noise if his mother was sleeping thirty feet away.

“Texas.” He doesn’t elaborate. She wonders about that, about the way his jaw tightens when he says it. Maybe she shouldn’t push it. But his arms are still wrapped tightly around her, and she can’t help but feel it’s her turn to help.

“Visiting your dad?” She asks quietly. His parents have a complicated arrangement, one he doesn’t talk about much. Once, after him and his mother had gotten back from a weekend in Texas, she’d seen the bruises on his upper arm. It was just a flash, then his sleeve covered it, but that was an image she’d never forget. And she’d never told him she knew. Maya knows better than anyone that sometimes you keep secrets for a reason.

Lucas looks down at her, thoughtful.

“Yeah.” He walks them into the bathroom, setting her down on the side of the tub. “We’ve got to wash this off.” He says, gesturing at the mess of blood and dirt that’s began to dry on her foot. Reaching around her, he turns the faucet, and Maya sticks her foot under the stream. The water heats up quickly, and she hisses as it hits her cut.

“Fuck!” She jerks her leg away from the water. There’s no one to direct her anger at besides Lucas, so she hits him again.

“Would you stop?” He grumbles. “You don’t want this to get infected.”

Reluctantly, she sticks her foot back under the tap, gritting her teeth. The water runs muddy, then red, then as close to clear as it’s going to get considering how much her foot is still bleeding. She pulls it out, swinging her legs over the other side of the tub. Lucas grabs a towel and dries her off. There’s something strangely intimate about it, her watching him as he works the towel over her foot. She knows he feels it too, because he refuses to look up at her.

“You know, I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be brown hair.” He says, still not looking at her. Maya stares.

“What?”

“Your song? The Jet one? It’s supposed to be long brown hair. You said blonde.” He mutters, setting down the towel.

“Did I?” She watches him pull some antiseptic and bandages out of the vanity. “Fancy that.”

He finally looks up, smirking.

“So you did do it on purpose, then.”

She shrugs. When he dabs at her cut with a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol she resists the urge to kick him.

“Ow!” It comes out as a snarl.

“You should have worn shoes.” Apparently, he’s abandoned any pretense of sympathy.

“They’re hard to walk in.” She whines.

“I bet. Probably harder when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“You said you were a six.”

“Well now I’m a two.”

“I don’t belie-”

“Why did you break up with Riley?”

Everything, even the air in the room seems to still when she blurts out that question. She can’t take it back, but she wants to. He’s right, she’s drunk. His hands, on her foot, stop.

“Maya.” It’s a warning. But she seems to have lost all control of her mouth.

“Don’t you love her?”

“Of course I love her.” He sighs, and she knows it’s true. That should stop her, should shut her up. That’s what she wants, is for Riley to be happy and Lucas to be happy and they’re happy together, they’ve always been, but-

“Then why?”

“Because I don’t love her like I love you!” He shouts, eyes burning, and Maya can’t breathe. He doesn’t mean that, he can’t-

“You don’t mean that.”

He doesn’t say anything. Maya wants to take that as him admitting that she’s right, that he doesn’t love her, because this is going to change everything, but she knows him better than that. He means it. She can feel it, and the weight of that threatens to break her in half. Part of her wants it, wants him so badly that she sometimes can’t believe she’s been able to hide it for so long. But the other part of her would die before she would hurt Riley. And she can’t imagine a universe in which this wouldn’t do exactly that.

“Say you don’t mean it.” It’s supposed to be a command. But her voice breaks, and it’s pleading at best. Lucas swipes some Polysporin over the sole of her foot, then wraps it in gauze.

“If this hasn’t stopped bleeding by tomorrow, you’ll probably need stitches.”

“Say it!” She shouts. She’s never wanted anything less in her life. But she has a duty and there are rules. And maybe Maya has never been one for rules, but this time Riley is at stake and some rules aren’t worth breaking.  

“I can’t. You know I can’t.” Now he just sounds weary. His eyes drift up to meet hers. Sometimes she can see herself in them. Right now, they’re filled with that same raw, broken, ache that’s threatening to hollow her from the inside out. His fingers are still curled gently around her foot. The pain there is nothing compared to the one blossoming in her chest. She’s tired, and drunk, and normally she is _so_ good at keeping this hurt locked firmly away. But her eyes are burning, and this time she just can’t help it. Her vision blurs, and then she feels the first tear fall. She wraps her arms around herself, fingernails digging into the skin of her biceps. She’s stronger than this.

“Maya.” Lucas sighs. “Do you want me to take you home?”

She opens her mouth to say yes, take me home, please stop touching me.

“No.” Once again, her tongue betrays her. But it’s almost a relief. The last thing she wants now is to be alone.

“Okay.” He picks her up again, carrying her to the bed. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

That’s not what she wants either, but there are still lines they haven’t crossed yet, and she’s holding on to that with everything she has. He hands her a clean t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. She eyes the pants suspiciously. They’re much smaller than the ones she got last time, and nowhere near his size.

“Whose are these?” She wonders aloud.

“Mine. From fifth grade.” He says, flopping down on the couch. She stares at him.

“What? Why do you still have these?”

He shrugs tiredly.

“I don’t know. They’ll probably still be too big.” She’s sure he’s right, which annoys her for some reason.

“Freak.” She mutters under her breath, and it almost feels normal. His back is turned, so she changes, dropping her skirt and shirt by the side of the bed. His sheets smell like him in the best way, and that feels like penance as she crawls underneath them. He turns off the light, and they lay there in silence.

“If you didn’t remember this conversation in the morning,” he says quietly, “I would understand.”

She doesn’t know what to say to that. It’s almost the out she asked for, but she finds she doesn’t want it so much anymore.

“Goodnight, Lucas.”

“Goodnight, Maya.”

They’ll have to deal with this in the morning, one way or another. As she closes her eyes, it occurs to her that one day soon, Riley will be on the other side of the country. And Lucas and her will be the only ones left.

 _There are rules_.

But maybe the rules are about to change.


	8. Chapter 8

The sun is barely up when Maya opens her eyes. The room is dark, but the window’s glowing orange, so she knows it’s around five. She rolls over, and her eyes fall on Lucas. He’s still asleep, legs hanging off the end of the couch. He doesn’t fit at all, and Maya wonders how she didn’t notice that last night. Her mind is foggy with the hangover, and the dregs of her bad dream, so she sits up slowly, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

A searing pain shoots through her foot when she puts pressure on it, but she grits her teeth and hobbles toward the bathroom. She’s pretty sure the bleeding has stopped, at least. As she rounds the corner, she catches sight of herself in the mirror. Her makeup is smudged across her face, hair wild. She sighs, pulling the elastic off her wrist and tying back her hair. She scans the bathroom for make-up wipes, Lucas shares it with his other after all, but comes up empty. So she makes do with soap and water, scrubbing until her face feels clean again. Part of her wishes she could wash away her memory of last night as well.

She sighs and sits on the edge of the bathtub, then carefully peels away the bandage on her foot.

It’s worse than she thought, a deep, jagged gash that’s still oozing blood. She reaches into the vanity and pulls out another few squares of gauze, and the medical tape. There are no scissors, so she has to tear the tape with her teeth, but in the end it all holds.

She limps back down the hall, and pauses in the doorway.

The early morning light has moved, illuminating Lucas’s face. He looks perfect, she thinks bitterly. Everything she wants, and it’s right in front of her. She sighs, and instead of crawling back in bed, she walks over to his window, pulling it open as quietly as she can. Glancing over her shoulder to make sure she didn’t wake him, she climbs outside, sitting on the ledge. It’s wider than on most buildings, about four feet, so she can sit comfortably, dangling her legs over the side. From here she can see the sunrise, and it settles something in her chest.

She loses track of time there, dozing on and off as the sun gets higher in the sky, that dark orange giving way to a blinding yellow. Riley would have lost her mind, seeing Maya sleeping in the window ledge like that. But it feels safe for a reason she can’t put her finger on. The streets of New York are never quiet, but around the time the morning traffic begins to crawl along beneath her, she hears her name coming from inside.

“I’m out here.” She calls, turning her head in time to see Lucas stick his out the window. His eyes widen as he takes in her position, then flicker down to the street.

“What are you doing?” He asks, alarm chasing the lingering sleep out of his eyes. She shrugs.

“Sitting. Watching the sunrise. You know.”

He exhales, shaking his head.

“You scared me.”

Her heart lurches at that. Not many people in her life have worried about her. Even fewer still do. She’s always been so good at protecting her heart, but she’s starting to miss how it feels to let go. To loosen the reigns of her self-control.

 “I don’t live here, Hop-along.” She reminds him. “I could have gone home.”

He considers that, crawling out of the window to sit beside her. He hangs over the ledge a lot farther than she does, and it makes her palms sweat to look at him.

“Yeah.” He says. “You could have gone home.”

There’s a question in there somewhere, but for now she ignores it. It’s still early, and the full noise of the day hasn’t yet set in.

“You know, it’s not that I don’t…” She trails off. He looks at her, and she can see in his eyes that he knows what she means. “Because I do.”

His eyes are sad, but he smiles.

“But you don’t think you should.” He guesses. She bites her lip.

“I love her.” Maya says softly. “I can’t hurt her.” A block over, she watches a child trip on the sidewalk.

“She broke up with me, you know.” He says, following her gaze. The little boy gets up, brushes himself off. He doesn’t cry. “I didn’t break her heart. It wasn’t about you. Even if you were never…” He sighs. “It wasn’t about you. It was just over.”

His words dig at her, like predators. She scrubs a hand across her face, exhausted.

“God, you just…you don’t know how much I want to believe that.” She mutters. “That it’s over, that this is what she wants.”

“But you don’t?”

“I don’t know.” She says honestly.

“You could ask her. She would tell you.” He suggests. Maya’s face hardens.

“She would lie. If she knew, she would lie. She would give up anything for me.” Because that’s just what they do.

“Like you lie?” He asks. Her fingers curl on the ledge, nails scraping against the concrete.

“Do you think this is easy for me?” She snaps. “I am in love with you. I have been lying to my best friend for years and every time I see you I just-” She inhales sharply. “So I pretend that we’re not friends, and I pretend I don’t think about you, and I date guys who bore me, or aren’t good for me, or are Josh, and-”

Her words are cut off when his fingers catch her face, and then he’s kissing her so soundly that she forgets. What she was saying, who she is, where they are. All she knows is him, the way his lips feel against hers, the way he tastes when her tongue slips between them, the roughness of his stubble against her jaw. Her hand lets go of the ledge to curl into his shirt, dragging him closer.

It’s staggering, the rush of want. It’s not just lust, but something far worse, far deeper. Someone once said they were like fire, and that’s here too, the burning, his skin on hers, and the one deep beneath her thighs. His fingers dig into her hip, and he shifts her, just a little, but it’s enough to make her lose her grip on the ledge.

“Lu-” She gasps, as she jerks backward, gravity grabbing her from behind and dragging her down. His arm tightens around her, the other hooking inside the window. Maya clings to him, heart pounding, as the sky spins behind them. “Can we-” She asks, but he’s already lifting her through the window. She doesn’t let go until they’re both sitting safely on his bed, and then her fingers slowly unclench from his shirt.

“Are you okay?” He asks, when she doesn’t say anything. She nods. Then shakes her head.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” She groans, pitching forward to drop her head in her hands.

Beside her, he sighs.

“I could apologize.” Though it doesn’t sound like he plans to.

“Don’t bother.”

“We’re not doing anything wrong, Maya.”

She looks up at him, frustrated.

“I’m not sure that’s true.”

“You need to talk to Riley.” He says quietly. “This isn’t…it’s not going away. No matter how hard you try this time.”

He’s right.

“Four years.” She murmurs.

He looks at her, but doesn’t.

“Four years I’ve been fighting how I feel about you, and I lied to her. And the two years before that…” She sighs. “How can I tell her that?”

Lucas slides closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. For the first time, she lets him, nestling her head into the crook of his neck.

“She’s going to forgive you. You’re Maya and Riley.” He sounds so sure.

“She shouldn’t forgive me. I wouldn’t.”

“Yes you would.” His voice is soft in her ear. He’s probably right about that too. But it doesn’t feel like she deserves that, or Riley, or anything. She feels like a traitor.

“I’m a bad friend.” She whispers. He sighs.

“You’re a good friend, Maya. You can’t help how you feel. And if you’re a bad friend, what does that make me?”

“A terrible boyfriend.” She mutters, eyes closing. He snorts.

“Thanks.”

“You love her.” She relents.

“I do.”

“But-”

“When you’re with someone that long, you get comfortable. Sometimes you don’t even realize you want someone else until it just…hits you. I thought we were good. And then one day I realized it was your face I look for every day. I didn’t know.”

Maya presses her face into his shirt, breathing in a smell that’s come to feel more like home to her than the drafty apartment she shares with her mother.

“It doesn’t mean you didn’t love her.” She summarizes.

“No, it doesn’t.” He repeats. “But the way I love her now…it’s not the same way I used to. And it’s not the way I love you.”

She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of hearing that, even if it sends a flare of guilt through her chest every time.

“I think,” she finally says, after they sit in silence for a while, letting the daylight creep up the walls. “that you should take me to Riley’s.”

He pulls back to stare at her.

“Really?”

She nods.

“Really.”

But she grabs her clothes off the floor. She’s not going to go there like this.

He leaves the room, to let her change, and her fingers feel numb as she tugs on her skirt.

Her whole life, she’s put Riley first. Everything about this feels selfish. She limps out to meet Lucas in the hall. He glances at her outfit.

“Where did your shoes go?”

“I left them in the truck.” She reminds him. His eyes trail down her legs to rest on her bandaged foot.

“Was that still bleeding this morning?” He asks. She avoids his eyes. “Maya.”

“Yes. But it doesn’t need stitches. It’s fine.” She folds her arms across her chest. If he wants her to go to the hospital, he’ll have to take her by force. Something about his expression tells her he knows that. He throws his hands in the air.

“Fine. Let’s go.” She limps, slowly, forward. Rolling his eyes, Lucas picks her up, then tosses her over his shoulder.

“Do NOT-”

“Shh.” He says, and she can practically hear his smile as he walks toward the door.

“Lucas, I can walk-”

“No, you can’t.”

“Okay, well you could carry me like a human being, and not a sack of flour.”

“I could.”

She groans.

“Just because you kissed me doesn’t mean I won’t make you pay for this.” She warns him. His hand creeps a little higher on the back of her thigh and her breath hitches.

“I look forward to it.” He says, it’s almost a growl, and she can feel the vibration of his voice through his back. He carries her like that all the way to the truck, and she waves goodbye to an upside down Geoff as they pass through the lobby.

Just as they exit the building, Maya’s phone rings. She pulls it from where she tucked it into her bra, surprised it still has juice. Her mother’s face flashes across the screen, and she sighs.

“Hey, Mom.” She says, her voice bouncing along with her body as Lucas jumps off the curb into the street.

“Hey baby. Are you going to be home for lunch today? Shawn was thinking of taking us out.”

Maya had actually remembered to text her mother this time, sending a ‘party  went late, be home in the morning’ message before she passed out.

“Uh,” she scrunches up her face in thought. “Probably not.” She doesn’t have a clue how long she’ll be at Riley’s. The bomb she’s about to drop could get her kicked out in seconds, or result in a serious discussion lasting hours. At this point, she’s not really sure which she’d prefer.

“Okay. Are you alright?” Katy asks.

Maya might not have the best relationship with her mother, but there are some things that you can’t hide from a parent. She sighs.

“I’ll let you know. Bye, Mom.”

“Bye, honey.”

She hangs up as Lucas opens the passenger door to his truck, flipping Maya into the seat. Her skirt rides up when he drops her there, and she doesn’t miss the way his eyes linger on her legs.

“Lucas.” She says, because he’s staring. He shakes his head, like a dog clearing water from it’s ears, and backs up. The door closes behind him, and she watches him walk around to the driver’s side.

“To Riley’s?” He asks, when he finally has Blue started. She takes a deep breath, then nods.

“If I don’t do it now…” She mumbles. He reaches out, like he’s going to touch her, then stops. They haven’t earned that yet, she thinks. He’s still off limits, for now.

So they drive in silence, the cab thick with tension and anticipation and on Maya’s part, fear. She isn’t sure she’s ever done something this selfish before. So if she loses Riley, it can only be her fault.

“It’s going to be-”

“Please don’t say it’s going to be okay.” Maya whispers.

“I think it will be.”

“You don’t know-”

“No.” Lucas sighs. “I don’t know that. But you seem to forget that I know more about my relationship with Riley than you do. And I think she’ll get over this.”

Maya considers that, chewing on her lip.

“Lucas.” She says quietly. “You need to know that if you’re wrong, if she can’t…” Her hands clench just thinking about it. He looks over at her, blue eyes serious.

“I would never ask you to choose, Maya. I know it would be Riley, no question. It’s okay.”

“But-” It’s not okay, she thinks. The thought of them going to school together, with Riley in California, and not being allowed to be them, not being allowed to have this…

“Look, don’t do this to yourself, okay? If we have to cross that bridge, we will.” His fingers tighten on the steering wheel. Maya looks out the window, heart fluttering in her chest. She’s nervous, hands trembling, fingers cold. It’s Lucas, she realizes, and Riley on the line. She could lose both of them. The familiar brownstone comes into view, and she lets out a shaky breath. Lucas pulls up in front of it, looking over at her.

“I’m gonna…” She says, reaching for the handle. He nods.

“Your foot-” He starts, but she shakes her head.

“It doesn’t matter. You can’t come in. I’ll manage.” She grabs her shoes from where she kicked them under the seat last night, and pulls them on with a wince. It’s horrible, hurts like hell, but the last thing she needs is to step on something else.

“Should I wait?” He looks uncomfortable now. This moment feels like the last before a sentencing.

“No. I’ll…call you.” She decides. Then she climbs out before she can change her mind. Every step is excruciating, but it almost feels like reparation for everything she’s done, everything she’s about to do. She wobbles up the steps, and into the elevator.

She knocks on the front door, and even that feels weird. She never knocks, never uses the door. But this isn’t a climbing through the window kind of day. It swings open, and Cory looks down at her in surprise. He raises an eyebrow at her outfit.

“Maya? Using the front door? Something must be wrong.” He muses. Maya tries to force a smile, but it falls flat on her face, and Cory’s disappears as well. “Is something wrong?” He asks, this time real concern in his voice.

“Um, no.” She lies. “Can I come in?”

He steps back, and she limps inside, stepping out of her shoes. Cory frowns at the bandage on her foot, but doesn’t comment on it.

“You know Riley’s grounded.” He tells her.

“I figured.” She admits. “But I really need to talk to her. It’s important.”

With a sigh, Cory nods.

“Okay. But she’s probably still asleep. If she’s even alive.” His lips purse, the picture of a disapproving father. Maya still misses that sometimes. It hits her that losing Riley would mean losing all of them, including him. Her eyes widen a little, and she fights to keep her breathing steady. 

“Th-thanks.” She stutters, turning to stumble towards Riley’s room. She can feel him debating whether to come after her, but he never does. She knocks softly on Riley’s door. No answer.

Quietly, she turns the handle and creeps inside. Cory was right, his daughter is still soundly asleep, face pressed into her pillow. Maya doesn’t really want to wake her up, but she’s here now. She walks up to the bed, crouching beside it.

“Riley.” She whispers, giving her friend a gentle shake. “Riles.”

The brunette stirs, blinking, and then her eyes focus on Maya.

“Hey.” Riley mumbles. She shuffles over to make room, and Maya crawls in beside her.

“How are you feeling?” Maya asks. Her own headache isn’t overwhelming, but she suspects Riley had a lot more to drink than she did.

“Meh.” Riley shrugs. “Could be worse. Although I’m sure I’m grounded.” She muses sleepily.

“You are.” Maya confirms. “Your dad let me in.”

At that, Riley’s drooping eyes open sharply.

“You came in through the front door?” She asks. Maya nods. “Why?”

Heart beating wildly, Maya rolls onto her side to look Riley directly in the eyes.

“Because I need to talk to you about something. And I didn’t think…I didn’t want to come in through the window.” She says. Riley moves to sit up, then groans.

“Bay window?” She asks. Maya looks her over doubtfully.

“Can you move?” She wonders. Riley thinks about that, then sinks back into the pillows with a sigh.

“No.”

Like ripping off a band-aid, Maya thinks.

“I like Lucas.”

Slowly, Riley turns back to look at Maya.

“You like Lucas.”

“I have, um, feelings for Lucas.” She clarifies, even though she’s pretty sure from the way Riley is looking at her now that she knew what she meant.

Riley opens her mouth, then closes it. Then opens it again.

“Wh-How long?” She asks. It’s the worst question, Maya thinks. Because it’s the biggest lie.

“I…a long time, Riley.” That feels like a cop out.

“A long time like six months? Or-”

“No, a long time like eighth grade.” Maya chokes out, the words burning like an exorcism. Riley stares. And stares. And-

“ _Maya_.” She can hear a million things in her name when Riley says it. It sounds like an expletive.

“I didn’t tell you, because I thought…what good would it have done? You were happy, and he was happy, and I was okay, I was fine-”

“You were fine? For four years you were fine while I dated Lucas and you had feelings for him?” Riley asks incredulously. Maya winces.

“It was…manageable. I had you, you’re all I really need.” She says. Riley sits up.

“But...you lied. About something huge.” Her eyes are wide, and she looks more betrayed than angry. It hits Maya like a wave of guilt.

“Yeah, I did. And I’m…I’m so sorry.” Her voice breaks. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Riles, maybe it was stupid, maybe it was wrong, I don’t know, I just didn’t want to hurt you-”

“So you…” Riley scrubs a hand tiredly across her face. “So you never told me that you were in love with my boyfriend, to protect me.”

Maya stiffens.

“I didn’t say-”

“I’m not an idiot, Maya.” Riley mutters. “Four years is a long time. And you wouldn’t be telling me this now if you just liked him.”

There’s something in her voice that makes Maya suspicious.

“Did you…did you know?” She asks, eyes sweeping across Riley’s face.

“I wondered.” Riley admits.  “I mean I wasn’t sure but…I guess I just always figured if it was true you would tell me.” Her face clouds over in thought. “You let me talk about him all the time, the first time he told me he loved me, the first time we had _sex_ -”

“Because that’s what best friends are for.” Maya says, sighing. “And I was happy to be there for you, Riley. I would never have wanted to miss out on those parts of your life.”

“But it must have been hard,” Riley says thoughtfully, “to hear.”

Maya shrugs.

“Yes and no. I was still happy for you. The way your face would light up when you talked about him…it was always worth it for me.” She murmurs. It did break her heart, every time. But some things are worth that.

“Maya.” Riley’s eyes are intense on Maya’s face. “Why are you telling me this now?”

There’s a very pregnant pause, and the brunette’s face tightens in surprise when it hits her.

“Because something happened.” She says slowly. “Something happened with you and Lucas. And you want…my permission?”

Maya presses her thumbs against her eyelids, exhausted.

“No, I don’t…I just need to know if you….because I won’t-” She can’t get the words out, she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to say anymore. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

When she opens her eyes Riley has rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling.

“Then what do you want, Maya?”

“I want to take all of this back, and move to California with you, and watch you become a famous artist and never lose you.” She says quietly.

“And Lucas?” Riley prompts.

“Yes.” Maya says, after seconds tick by. “I want Lucas too.”

It feels liberating to finally admit that, to Riley. At least it’s out there now. At least the lies can stop.

“When I’m with Lucas,” Riley starts, “do you know what I want do?”

Maya shrugs.

“I want to get donuts. And watch the Knicks. And talk about rabbits.” She smiles, almost to herself. Then she turns to look at Maya. “What do you want to do when you’re with Lucas?” She asks.

Maya doesn’t really want to answer that, not laying in bed next to his ex-girlfriend, when her answer is not nearly as PG. So she says nothing.

“Exactly.” Riley says. Maya doesn’t know what that means.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying…a long time ago, I used to look at Lucas like you do. And I just don’t anymore. And I know he feels the same. I’ll always love him, but I’m not in love with him. And you obviously are.”

“Riley.”

“No, it’s okay. It makes…actually it makes a lot of sense. I’m kind of annoyed I didn’t see it sooner.” She muses.

“I don’t understand.”

“I am okay. Lucas and I are just friends, this time for good. If you want to be with him, it’s not going to hurt me. I mean it might be awkward…” She mutters, brow creasing. “But I’m pretty sure that will pass.”

Maya can’t breathe. This was too easy.

“You’re supposed to hate me.” She blurts out. Riley stares at her.

“For suffering for four years so I could be happy?”

“For lying…and –and liking your boyfriend, and being selfish-”

“Oh, Peaches.” Riley says softly. She reaches down to take Maya’s hand, squeezing it hard. “You’re the least selfish person I have ever met in my life. And I could never hate you. I have to leave, and I know Farkle is leaving too, and believe it or not I would be glad to know you had someone. Especially someone like Lucas. Someone has to look after you while I’m gone.” Her eyes water, and Maya isn’t far behind.

“I’m sorry.” She says it vehemently, like maybe if she just _means_ it enough she won’t feel so bad.

“Don’t be.” Riley’s voice is firm. “Don’t be sorry anymore, okay? It’s alright, we’re alright.”

At her words, something in Maya breaks. Like the feeling of your bedroom door closing behind you after the worst day. It’s safe. It’s over. And that’s when the tears come.

The first sob is soft, and Riley pulls her in, her arms the only thing holding Maya together. It’s not sadness, just overwhelming relief, and Maya holds tight to her friend while she cries the guilt out of her system.

When it’s over, Riley stroking Maya’s hair, a phone buzzes on the nightstand.

“That’s you.” Riley says quietly. Maya rolls over to check it.

Just checking in. Call me when you can.

It’s Lucas. Maya sighs.

“You should call him.” Riley says from behind her.

“I-”

“I’m not going anywhere, Maya.”

Maya nods, rolling out of bed. She presses a kiss to Riley’s head.

“I love you, you know.” Maya says, flashing back to a couple weeks ago when she said the same thing. Riley smiles.

“I know.”

Grabbing her shoes, Maya makes her usual exit out the window. Looking down from the fire escape, she spots a familiar blue truck. She smiles. Swiping at her phone, she presses it to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Look up.” She tells him. He does, a wide grin breaking out across his face when he sees her.

“Need a hand?” He asks, watching her climb slowly down.

“No.” She says, phone wedged between her ear and neck. But she hears the truck door open anyways. And when she reaches the bottom step she just lets go.

He catches her, like she knew he would.

“Hi.” He says, blinking down at her.

She doesn’t answer him, just grabs his face and kisses him. It isn’t the same as that morning, all chaos and heartbreak. This time it’s the answer to a question, her lips firm and insistent on his. She can feel his heartbeat through his shirt, and she grins against his lips. Her fingers curl in his hair, and he bites down gently on her lower lip. She shivers.

“Lucas-” She gasps, breaking away. He stares down at her, dazed.

“So,” he says hoarsely. “I guess it went okay?”

She beams at him, content in a way she’s never been before, the smile threatening to break her face in two.

“Yeah.” She says. “It went okay.”

He sets her down inside the truck. His smile drops off.

“Maya.”

She falters at his expression.

“What?”

“Your foot.” He points. The exaggerated arch of her shoes must have torn the cut, her bandage is now soaked through with crimson. She hadn’t even noticed.

“Oh.” She says, wiggling her toes. The burning deepens.

“I’m taking you to get stitches.” He decides, closing her door and jumping into the left side.

“Can I change first?” She asks. He looks surprised that she isn’t arguing, but then his eyes trail over her outfit.

“I could say no.” He tells her with a grin. She leans forward.

“Could you?” She murmurs, inches from his face, voice low. He gulps.

“Okay, so, taking you home.” He mutters, starting the truck. She snorts.

“I could get used to this.” She muses. Beside her, he rolls his eyes.

“What have I gotten myself into?”


	9. Chapter 9

Maya doesn’t have insurance. It’s not a thing, really, and she hates the look of surprise on Lucas’s face when she tells him that. Because of course he wouldn’t have thought of that.

But she knows a free clinic, one she’s gone to since she was a kid. The staff is nice there, and the wait isn’t too long, and they gave her lollipops when she was a kid and condoms ever since the first time she went in to get birth control. So that’s where they end up.

“It’s been a while.” Lucas glances at the clock on the wall. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She rolls her eyes.

“It’s been bleeding for like a day already. Another forty minutes isn’t going to kill me. Besides, you don’t have to wait.” She reminds him. He frowns.

“I’m not going to _leave_ you-”

“Maya Hart.”

They both swivel their heads to see a nurse waving her over. Lucas helps her up, and she limps toward the exam room.

“Your friend can wait outside.” The woman suggests, nodding at the chairs they just vacated. Lucas looks over at her.

“No.” Maya shakes her head. “It’s fine, he can come.”

So the nurse steps out of their way and they shuffle inside. An older woman with jet black hair cut into a harsh bob holds up a finger. Lucas grabs Maya by the hips and lifts her onto the table, then settles in the chair next to it. They wait for a few seconds, the doctor scribbling furiously on a clipboard in her lap before setting down her pen and looking up.

“Maya.” She smiles. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.” Maya shrugs. “I’ve had a surprising lack of accidents lately.”

The doctor looks at her bandaged foot with a raised eyebrow.

“Well,” Maya concedes. “Except for that.”

The doctor turns to Lucas.

“And this is…” She prompts.

Maya hesitates.

“This is Lucas.”

He holds out his hand, because he’s from Texas and painfully polite.

“Hi.”

“Dr. Curtis.” She says, taking his hand. “Now,” she turns back to Maya, “what’s going on with your foot?”

Maya does end up needing stitches, wincing but keeping her mouth shut as the needle loops through her skin. Lucas watches with a look of disgust.

“What’s wrong, Huckleberry?” Maya asks through clenched teeth. “Not a fan of needles?”

He just shrugs and looks away.

“You’re going to have to get over that if you want to be a vet.” She points out, hissing as Dr. Curtis gives the thread a last tug before snipping it off above the knot.

“It’s not my favourite thing,” he admits, watching the doctor swipe something across Maya’s foot before securing a pad of gauze. “Seeing you in pain.”

Her heart gives a kick and she decides she’s getting much too soft.

“Alright.” Doctor Curtis finishes up, peeling off her gloves. “You’re going to need to leave that bandage on until tomorrow, you can change it after that but don’t get it wet for 48 hours. Those aren’t dissolving stitches, so you’ll have to come back in a week to get them taken out.”

Maya nods, frowning down at her foot.

“I have a few other questions, maybe Lucas should wait outside?” Dr. Curtis suggests, eyes flitting between the two teenagers.

Maya shakes her head.

“It’s fine. Whatever it is, he can stay.”

She’s just used to having him there now, by her side. Dr. Curtis nods.

“Okay. It’s been a few months since you got a refill of Alesse, do you need more?”

Maya can’t help the way her eyes flick toward Lucas, or the slight tug at the corner of her lips.

“Mhmm.” She confirms, and Dr. Curtis reaches into the cupboard behind her, pulling out a couple plain white boxes. She hands them over to Maya.

“You know the deal, I’ll do an exam when you come in next week to get your stitches out.”

It’s the one condition to free birth control, a full exam every time she comes in for a refill.

“Thanks.” She takes the boxes, slipping them into her purse. Dr. Curtis stands, and so does Lucas. He reaches down to slide an arm around Maya’s waist and pulls her to her feet. She doesn’t need to lean into him quite as much as she does, but she can’t help herself. They show themselves out, a nurse passing them a wad of bandages as they pass through the door.

“I’m not going to ask about that.” Lucas tells her, as they hobble toward the truck like unfortunate contestants in a three-legged race.

“Of course not.” Maya says, leaning against the truck as he pulls the door open. He would never ask, he’s too polite to pry. But, apparently, not too polite to not-so-subtly hint at it. “It’s just birth control. I’m not dying, that I know of.”

Lucas pauses in the middle of reaching down to lift her into the truck. His eyes are on hers for a second, questioning, and then he looks away. She hops up into the cab by herself, because he seems to be having a moment. He just closes the door behind her and walks around to the other side.

“Lucas.” Maya says, about ten minutes into the drive home. It’s been silent for just as long, and she tires of silence pretty quickly.

“Yeah?” He glances over at her, just for a second. He’s an “eyes on the road” kind of guy, which she likes about him.

“Why are you being weird?” She wonders. His fingers tighten on the steering wheel, and she watches in fascination as the colour slowly drains from his knuckles.

“I didn’t know I was.” He mutters. She rolls her eyes.

“Bullshit. Are we going to talk about it? Is this a Texas thing? Have I offended your delicate Southern sensibilities by talking about my prophylactics?”

He lets out a long-suffering sigh.

“No! I just…I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. You took me by surprise.” 

Maya stares at him.

“You hadn’t thought about…what?” She’s not entirely sure she won’t be offended at what he’s about to say.

“Us…uh…”

“Having sex.” Maya provides. She discovers she is a little offended by that after all.

“I mean you…” He mumbles.

“Having sex.” She repeats. Then squints at him. “With other people?” His cheeks flush. “Oh.” She mutters. “Boy.”

“Yeah.” He coughs. “Sorry, I just…I don’t know why it hadn’t really occurred to me.”

It’s Maya’s turn to sit silently for a few moments.

“Are you saying,” she asks quietly, “that you didn’t…you don’t want-”

“No!” He cuts her off quickly enough that she finds it gratifying. He even looks a little panicked. “I just…I didn’t even know you dated Josh, and I kind of always tried not to think about you and other guys in general.”

Maya folds her arms across her chest.

“There weren’t _that_ many guys.” She says, a little defensively. But she was raised by a devout feminist, and taught to be sex positive, so she isn’t ashamed of it.

She thinks she can hear his teeth grinding.

“Can this wait until I’m not driving?” He asks. She shrugs, which he can’t see, but she drops it anyways.

“When does your mom get back?” She decides to change the topic. His shoulders relax a little.

“Tomorrow night. I have to pick her up from the airport.”

Maya can tell he’s worried about his mother, he always worries when she’s in Texas. Not that Maya can blame him.

 

Twenty minutes later they’re sitting on his couch, Maya cross legged with a handful of French fries.

“I’m just saying, it’s not _that_ different from Monty Python, so-”

“It’s called The Princess Bride. It’s different.” Lucas says, sneering. Maya resists the urge to shove one of her fries up his nose. She’s too hungry to make the sacrifice.

“No, okay have you ever actually seen it?”

He opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything.

“Oh my god I _knew_ it. You are such a hypocrite. We’re watching it later.”

He groans, but can’t stifle the grin.

Maya pops a fry into her mouth and watches him, cocking her head.

“What?” He asks, frowning at her.

She shrugs.

“I guess I thought everything would change. But it hasn’t.”

“Well,” Lucas hooks a hand under her thigh, pulling her into his lap. “some things have changed.” He brushes his lips against hers softly, the kind of lingering kiss they’ve never allowed themselves before. Maya deepens it, hands on his face, swinging her legs over his so that she’s straddling him. He makes a noise that causes her to press herself into him, and just as she’s reaching for the hem of his shirt, he pulls away.

She’s pouting, she can feel it, and he runs his thumb across her bottom lip.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, lip brushing against his finger as she speaks.

“Nothing.” He smiles. “Just taking in the moment.”

God it’s so sappy. She feels like she should be cringing, but she grins instead.

“You are such a Huckleberry.” When did that become a term of endearment? _Always,_ she thinks, _it always has been_. 

“You love it.” He says, his smile turning into a smirk. She can’t argue with that, as much as she’d like to.

“Maybe.” She allows, leaning in for another kiss. He pulls back, just out of reach, and she freezes. “Can you take in the moment later? I have an agenda here, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

He sighs.

“I was just thinking…maybe we _should_ have that talk.”

Maya’s eyebrows disappear into her hairline. She slides off his lap, anticipating a drastic change in mood, and raises her hands in the air.

“Okay. Go ahead.” She says, crossing her arms and waiting for him to realize that he doesn’t really want to go there.

“I mean you already know, I _think_ you know…”

“About you and Riley.” Maya guesses. “Yes, Lucas, I know.”

He squirms uncomfortable in his seat.

“Okay well….that’s it. For me, it was just Riley.”

Maya suspected that, it’s certainly possible that Lucas could have hooked up with someone else on one of his and Riley’s numerous breaks, but she always figured he wasn’t the type. Her hand drifts out to poke his cheek.

“Alright.” She says. He rubs his face where her fingers were.

“I think,” he says slowly, after a few seconds of silence, “that this is the part where you talk.”

She makes a face.

“Okay, well, there was Josh.” She says, holding up one finger on her left hand. Lucas seems a little apprehensive that she needs that kind of system. She also realizes that she never told him exactly how close her and Josh had gotten. But he certainly knows now. “And Ryder, and Dylan and Ty. And I guess Amelia.” She adds, remembering a particularly fuzzy night after her and Josh had broken up. Dropping the now open hand that she’s holding up, she chances a look at Lucas, who seems to be taking it in as best he can.

“Ty from the party?” He finally manages, looking only mildly annoyed. She shrugs.

“It was before Josh.”

“And that’s it?” He asks. She nods.

He sighs, then drags her back into his lap.

“I can’t say I regret the time we weren’t together because I was dating your best friend.” He says. She shoots him a look. “But I’m really glad we’re here now. Have I said that yet?”

She shakes her head.

“Mmm, no. I don’t think so.”

He pinches her ass and she squeaks.

“Well, I am. Happy.” He clarifies, lips pressed against her neck. She lets her head fall back, humming in pleasure.

“Me too. So happy.” She grins as his hands tighten on her hips. She reaches down to resume her earlier efforts to rid him of his shirt, but he stops her. Again.

“We don’t need to rush.” He says softly, pulling back.

“Maybe _you_ don’t.” She mumbles, sighing. He shoots her a look.

“Let’s go out.” He suggests, loosening his grip on her. She raises an eyebrow.

“We are going out. You finally won me over, Ranger Rick, this is one sheep you’ve wrangled. The rodeo’s over. The broncos have bucked.” She waggles her eyebrows suggestively at that.

“I mean let’s go _outside_.” He corrects, though his lips quirk at her joke. She makes a face.

“But we can’t do _this_ outside.” She says, and with one swift move, pulls her own shirt above her head. She tosses it to the side, enjoying the way his eyes widen before trailing down her chest.

“Maya.” He says, voice strangled.

“Lucas.”

With what appears to be some effort, he raises his eyes to meet hers.

“I know you’ve, uh, gone out with some older guys,” he says slowly, and Maya decides this line of thought will lead to a definite no on anything involving her being topless. So she leans over to pick up her shirt, tugging it back on.

“And?” She asks, annoyed despite herself.

“They probably had expectations. But I don’t. We can just, you know, enjoy this for a while. It took a long time to get here, we don’t have to move so fast.” His voice is gentle, and she knows she should find it sweet, but instead it’s rubbing her the wrong way. She can’t put her finger on the reason why.

“I’m not worried about your expectations.” Maya says, shifting off his lap. “I just wanted to be with you, I figured that’s what you wanted, too.” Rejection, she realizes. It’s so illogical, but it feels like rejection. Her cheeks burn. “I don’t do things I don’t want to do, Lucas. With you, or with anyone.”

He seems to realize that he’s struck a nerve.

“I _do_ want that, Maya, I just thought-”

“It’s fine.” She waves him off. It isn’t fine, not really, but she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. Doesn’t want to fight. She feels like he just called her easy, though she knows that’s not what he meant.

“Okay.” He sounds hesitant, like he knows her too well to think this is really over. “I think The Princess Bride might be on Netflix. You want to watch a movie?”

She nods, leaning back into the couch. He sets it up then drags her closer, throwing an arm around her shoulder.

“I love you.” He whispers, lips brushing against her ear. She shivers.

“You can’t use that when we fight.” She tells him. It isn’t fair. They both know she hears that from few enough people that it’s a weapon against her.

He sighs.

“Are we fighting?”

Buttercup appears onscreen.

“We will be if you keep talking through the movie.” She mutters. When she glances over at him, he’s smiling again. She sticks out her tongue at him, and his eyes change, darken.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you.” He says. She blinks. “Because that would be ridiculous.”

“Well,” she relents, “it’s always nice to hear.”

“I just don’t want to pressure you.” He continues. She rolls her eyes.

“Look, Sundance.” She takes one of his hands, patting it. “No offense, but I don’t think you’re going to be the one who does the pressuring in this relationship.” He accepts that with a resigned sigh. “But I also don’t need you to protect me. You’re going to need to know that, right from the start.”

He’s silent for a few seconds.

“I know you don’t _need_ me to protect you. I’ve been scared of you since seventh grade. But I’m always going to want to. You can’t ask me to change that, I couldn’t if I tried.”

She frowns. It seems they’re at an impasse. After a minute or so, she turns back to the TV.

“Rewind it.” She mutters. “You missed the beginning.”

She curls into his side as he reaches for the remote.

“As you wish.” He mumbles, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking by me. I'm sorry updates are taking so long, unfortunately I've taken on a 60 h/week semester on top of classes, so I'm pretty much reading Marxist theory 24/7. I already have the next chapter half finished, so hopefully the gap between these two is shorter. Enjoy :)

“I suck at writing.” Maya groans, letting her head fall forward onto the desk. Instead of the hard wood, she hits something soft, and realizes Lucas has pushed his arm out to break her fall. She sticks out her lower lip in a pout. “Write this for me?”

He snorts.

“I am not writing your entrance essay. You can do it. You’ve already finished all the artwork to submit with it.” He presses a kiss to her temple and she scowls at him. “You just need to focus.” He mutters, eyes flicking toward the TV in front of them, where a rerun of Dukes of Hazzard is playing.

“I am focused. I just suck at writing.” She stares angrily at the laptop in front of her. It’s a little battered, one Riley gave her after getting a new one, but it gets the job done.

He sighs.

“No, you don’t. Now stop whining and write your essay. Tell them why you want to go to their school, why you love art, what you think you can get from the program.” And then he turns back to the book in front of him, getting comfortable on her bed and ignoring her. Presumably so that she’ll focus.

She makes a growling noise, but begins punching away at the keys. Whether he’s right or not,  she needs to have this finished and dropped off by tomorrow night. She’s already left it to the last minute, so there’s nothing really left to do but suffer through.

A couple hours later, she’s proof reading the finished essay one more time. She looks over to see Lucas sleeping beside her, face buried against his arm. He hates it when she watches him sleep, but he always looks so peaceful, sometimes she can’t help it. It soothes the raw feeling a little. She glances at the clock on her computer, sighing when she sees the time. It’s almost one. Her mother and Shawn are sleeping at the other end of the hallway, and the only reason Lucas hasn’t been kicked out yet is that she snuck him in through her window sometime around nine.

Closing the laptop, she pokes her boyfriend.

“Hey.” She whispers. He stirs, blinking up at her.

“What time is it?” His voice is scratchy with sleep, eliciting a pleasant tightening sensation somewhere beneath her stomach.

“One. Are you staying? You know Shawn will wake up the second he hears your truck.”

Her mother’s boyfriend still doesn’t know that they’re dating, but Lucas spends enough time at the apartment that his truck’s growling transmission is recognizable. And if Shawn finds out it will be a lot harder to sneak him in and out.

“Uh.” He rubs his face sleepily. “Yeah, that alright?”

She rolls her eyes, standing up to tug off her jeans.

“I don’t know, my other boyfriend will be here in a bit. Could get awkward.” She grins sarcastically at his reflection in the mirror, and he snakes an arm around her waist, toppling her backwards onto the bed. She rolls over on top of him.

“Oh really?” He asks, blue eyes half-lidded as he raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“Well,” he runs a hand along her side, stopping when he gets to the bare skin on her hip. “I think you should call your other boyfriend and tell him you’ll be busy.”

She swivels around, straddling him. Her tongue darts out, resting between her teeth.

“Oh? Doing what?” She asks innocently, pulling her tank top over her head. His eyes drop automatically to her chest, and she waits for them to trail back up to her face.

He pretends to think about it, then flips her over, pinning her against the bed with his arms.

“Me.”

.-.-.-.-.-.

A few days later Maya is starting to feel uneasy. Things are going well, too well, and it’s been way too long since something sad or terrible has happened. She can feel it coming, like the heaviness of a storm in the air before it breaks. She just knows.

“Maya.”

She’s pulled out of her thoughts when Riley says her name.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry.” She blinks. Riley frowns, concern etching itself over her features.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Maya scrubs a hand over her face. “Just thinking.” There’s been a lot to think about in the past few weeks. She dropped off her portfolio at Cornell, and was given a stack of paperwork in return. It was all to do with the scholarship and her financials, and since it doesn’t need to be filled out until the summer, she’d shoved it in a drawer. Her father has left a couple voicemails, and she’s not really sure what part of her last words to him had been unclear, but she just deletes them now. Kermit had his chance ten years ago, and she’s better off without him.

Her days with her best friend are beginning to feel numbered, in a real way that wasn’t nearly as threatening a few weeks ago.

And then there’s Lucas.

He was so perfect; they were so perfect for the first few weeks. And now Maya can tell something is wrong. Like the storm that’s about to hit, the one she can feel, she just knows. It’s late April, and her birthday is in a couple of days, and he usually pretends to blow it off while suppressing the kind of excitement Maya can never muster up herself. But this year he really doesn’t seem to care. Which wouldn’t bother her if it wasn’t so out of character.

She glances back at him, his eyes trained on the blackboard, open but glazed. He just hasn’t been there since the weekend. Never really present. She taps her pencil sharply on his desk, and he blinks at her.

“What is going on with you?” She asks quietly. Mr. Matthews allows a certain level of discretion for the select group of students who practically live at his house, but she doesn’t want to draw attention to their conversation. Lucas’s brow furrows.

“Nothing.”

Maya stares back, not budging.

“Is it my birthday?” She wonders. Maybe he’s feeling pressured. They haven’t exactly been together long, and it occurs to her that he might think she has expectations, and-

“What?” He looks confused. “No.”

“Are you-have I done something?” She persists, though her chest twinges the way it always does when she’s worried she’ll ruin this.

His eyes finally sharpen in response to that, locking onto her.

“No. Maya, it’s not you-”

“Oh god,” She mutters, eyes widening.

“I-can we talk about this after class?” He mumbles, and she turns around to see Mr. Matthews staring daggers at them.

“Okay.” She says, but it feels like lead is settling in her stomach as she turns back around.

When the bell rings, she waits for him, watching as he collects his books and throws them in his backpack. Eventually, he looks up at her, jerking his head toward the door.

“Let’s just-”

They make their way into the hallway in silence, Maya’s hands curling into fists. When they’re finally in what Lucas decides is a secluded enough corner of the school, he turns to her.

“I have to leave.” He blurts out, blue eyes worried. Maya stares at him.

“Wh-now?” If he’s breaking up with her, she thinks he needs to work on his delivery.

“No.” He groans, dragging the heel of his palm across his face wearily. “No, this weekend. I need to…I have to pick up my mom.”

“From the airport?” Maya asks, more confused than ever. She knows his mother has been in Texas a lot recently, more so than before, and that he’s been in a worse mood for it. But she still feels like she’s missing something.

“From Austin.” He says, and she blinks. There’s a bitterness in his voice that she doesn’t like, one that’s all too familiar. One that’s usually coming out of her own mouth.

She just looks at him for a moment, the dark circles under his eyes, the tension in his jaw, the stiffness in his shoulders. And she knows. He’s not going to Austin to pick his mother up. He’s going to retrieve her, to drag her home. Tentatively, she reaches out, fingertips dusting over his temple, stretching to cup his cheek.

“Okay.” She says. He blinks.

“You realize this means I’m going to miss your birthday, right?” He asks, as though he suspects she doesn’t fully understand this, any of this.

“Yeah, Huckleberry. I know.” She pats his face gently. “But you know me, I’m not big on birthdays anyway.”

His hand comes up, covering hers where it still sits on his cheek. It’s a bit of an awkward reach for her, considering their height difference, but she never gets tired of how easy these touches come now.

“I’m sorry.”

And he is, she knows, she can see it. She shrugs.

“I knew what I was getting into when I fell for Mr. Perfect.” She says with an exaggerated sigh. And then, a little more seriously, “I knew how you are. For some reason, I like it.”

For the first time today, he cracks a smile.

“You love it.” He corrects. She rolls her eyes.

“Don’t push your luck.” She drops her hand to clasp his. “I have to meet Riley at Topanga’s in-” She pulls his wrist up to eye level, glancing at the watch Farkle got him for Christmas. “-twenty minutes.”

“Okay.” He pushes through the school doors and she follows him toward the parking lot. “You want a ride?”

“I don’t know if we have time for that.” She says distractedly, eyes on her phone as she texts Riley. He stops suddenly in front of her, and she walks straight into him.

“I meant to Topanga’s.” He says, voice strained, and she glances up at him, blushing when she sees the look on his face.

“Oh. Sure.” She climbs into his truck, ignoring the way he’s staring at her and propping her feet up on the dash.

On the drive, he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like “the death of me”, but she ignores that, too.

.-.-.-.-.-.

“Are you sure you don’t want to move the party to Sunday? We could just wait until Lucas gets back-”

Maya cuts her friend off, holding up a hand.

“No, Riles. It’s fine. I’m not totally sure how long he’ll be gone anyways, so there’s no point.” She takes a long sip of the smoothie in front of her, frowning at the amount of notes Riley has made in the process of planning this party.

“But Maya-”

“Seriously. That will just make him feel bad. Let’s just move on.”

From the moment Maya told Riley about Lucas’s probable absence on her birthday, the brunette has been trying to find a way to shift their plans to include him. But the truth is that his trip is a lot more complicated than Maya had let on to Riley, and she doesn’t think he needs to added pressure of having to be home in time for the party, even if they push it back a day. He has bigger things going on, and she can respect that.

“Alright.” Riley looks unconvinced, but lets her eyes drop back to the stack of paper spread across the table in front of them. “So the thing with the parents is at 6, we’re all going to dinner at Kong’s, and then the real party is at the Minkus warehouse.” She scribbles something, then looks back up.

“Sounds good to me.” Maya says easily, folding her hands behind her head. She really doesn’t care about birthdays. As a kid they only meant that Katy would be home less and less as the month wore on, so that she could afford to get Maya a gift. And inevitably, almost every year, the roof would cave in or some punk would break a window and all of that money would go to something much more important than a new toy for Maya. Things have been better in the past few years, now that she has the Matthews and her friends, and Shawn spoils her to the point of embarrassment, but she still doesn’t have good associations with the date. Some things are just tainted.

And now Lucas won’t be here, the only person she was really looking forward to having around for it. First birthday with a boyfriend, sentimental maybe, but disappointing nonetheless.

But she’s not one to turn down a party, so she smiles and agrees to whatever Riley wants and remembers to be grateful that she has a friend who’ll plan something like this for her in the first place.

“You need a new dress.” Riley tells her. Maya rolls her eyes.

“I do not. I’ll wear the green one we got from Demolition last month.” She argues. She can’t afford a new dress, not now. She’s already scraping every cent earned from her sometimes-part-time job at the diner Katy used to work at and squirreling it away for a prom dress, not that she talks about it. Riley will just feel guilty, and offer to pay, and Maya knows that she’ll probably have to get some second hand dress from a consignment shop, but some things are just worth dreaming about. She doesn’t need a new dress for the party.

“Sure, and that will be fine for dinner, but it doesn’t exactly fit the theme of the warehouse party.” Riley reminds her. Maya frowns.

“Theme?” She asks, earning a stern glance from her friend.

“90s music icons?” When Maya doesn’t respond Riley sighs: “Maya, this was your idea.”

“Ohhh.” She pretends to remember. “Right. So who are you going as?”

“I was thinking I would see what my mom has in her closet, but I’m not sure how much of it would fit me.” Riley is slim, but at 5’10 she towers over her mother. “They would probably be perfect for you, though.” She muses.

“Yeah.” Maya nods. “But I’m not sure how much your Mom’s stuff will help unless I want to go as Hippie Spice.” She’s seen pictures of Topanga in high school. The only 90’s icon they remind Maya of is Alanis Morrissett.  

“Mmm.” Riley acknowledges. “Well, we’ve got a few days to figure it out. I think Auggie still has some of your Stones shirts from sixth grade.”

“The 90s wasn’t exactly their best era.” She points out, which leads to Riley getting defensive, and the whole conversation somehow veers into a discussion on whether or not Riley should major in musical theatre until suddenly the sun has gone down and Maya has to leave in order to be home for dinner.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next few days come and go, and by the time Thursday rolls around, Maya is actively avoiding talking about her birthday. Lucas isn’t going to be there, and she loves Riley but if they have to have one more conversation about sound systems and hair crimpers, she’s going to scream. Which is why she’s hiding in her bedroom playing with Ginger instead of in her usual spot at Topanga’s.

The tap on her window has her groaning in defeat.

“Riles, I love you, but you can rent a strobe light and a disco ball for all I care.” She mumbles, moving toward the window before realizing the face staring back at her is not Riley’s. She slides the latch open and Lucas climbs in, raising an eyebrow.

“You never really struck me as the disco type.” He tells her, tilting her chin up toward him and kissing her lightly.

“I’m not.” She winds her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his shirt. Sometimes she just likes to feel how solid he is. “I’m just tired of talking about the party.”

“Right.” He lets go of her and sits on her bed, plucking Ginger up and setting her in his lap. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

She leans against the wall, raising an eyebrow.

“Okay.”

“You’re being really understanding about all of this.” He says slowly, like that’s a problem in of itself. Maya bristles.

“And?”

“I just…it sucks. And I’m sorry. I really do want to be here for your birthday, Maya.” He rubs a thumb across her ferret’s head, thoughtful.

“I know. But you have stuff to take care of. Family is complicated, trust me, I know that.” She sits beside him, and Ginger scampers across his thigh to crawl into her lap. His face clouds. “If you ever want to talk about it-”

“Uh, that’s not…it isn’t why I came.” He mutters, and Maya has to fight the sigh. He’s so open about other things, but when it comes to his parents she hits a brick wall every time. She isn’t used to wanting to help someone so badly and having them shut her out. It’s usually the other way around.

“Okay.” She says quietly. “So why are you here?” Because it sounds like there’s a reason beyond wanting to spend time with her. He shrugs off his jacket, pulling something from the inside pocket before tossing it onto her chair. He hands her the box, square and flat, and about the size of a cocktail napkin.

“I wanted to give you your birthday present.” He smiles at her, and though the darkness that settled on his face when talking about his family doesn’t completely go away, it lightens. Maya turns the box over in her hands, not really wanting anything but to make him feel better. If the only way she can do that right now is to open his gift, she can do that. Her fingers tug at the bow, a thin black ribbon tied around the plain cardboard box, and it unravels. Slowly, she lifts the top, and stares at the object inside.

‘What-” She pulls it out of the box, turning to look at him.

“It’s the ring I got for riding Tombstone.” His voice is low, vibrating against her skin where their arms touch. The ring is silver, slightly oxidized in parts, a plain band adorned with a stamped signet, a year, 2015, and a saddle embossed under it.

“You’re giving it to me?” She asks, confused. She knows how much the ring means to him, how much the day meant to him. And she hadn’t been a part of it, hadn’t supported him at all. She still remembers that first flash of fear, like a bolt of lightning cutting through her when she saw the other rider get thrown. So she’d given him an ultimatum, and run away, and Riley had been there for his triumphant moment while Maya had cowered as far from it as possible. She doesn’t understand why he would want her to have this.

As though reading her mind, Lucas shifts until he’s facing her directly.

“You know, that day you swore you’d never talk to me again if I rode that bull.” He says, as if she needs reminding.

“I remember.” Her mouth is dry just thinking about it. She’d been so angry with him.

“And I really thought about it, whether it was worth losing you just to prove something to my family, to myself.” He muses.

“I guess you thought it was.” Maya mumbles. Not that she’d expected him to back down, not even then. He laughs.

“I thought there’s no way she’ll actually do it. I didn’t believe you. It wasn’t until after, when I was laying on the ground looking up at Riley, and I knew you weren’t there. You still weren’t there. And I realized what I’d done. And I just-” He reaches out, stroking her cheek as though to remind himself that she is there, she is now. “my heart stopped. I didn’t really know what it meant back then, but I realized that you were important to me in a way I didn’t totally understand.”

“I tried.” She whispers. “I was fucking furious with you. If it hadn’t been for Riley…” She shrugs. “I don’t know what I would have done.”

“Mmm.” He nods. “Yeah, Riley was pretty upset by the whole thing. She told me you were mad at me because you cared about me but you didn’t know how to say it.”

“Well I was. And I didn’t.” She glances down at the ring in her hand. “But here we are.” She says, looking back up at him. “So I guess we figured it out.” And she’s touched, even if she still doesn’t really understand why he’s giving her this of all things. A reminder of one of the longest four seconds of her life.

“I don’t regret it.” He tells her, and her stomach clenches a little. “Riding the bull. But I guess I just wanted you to know that even though I’m missing your birthday, I’d choose you. I will always choose you.”

Maya closes her fist around the ring, then leans in and throws her other arm around his neck.

“No more bulls?” She asks, noses touching. He grins.

“No more bulls.”

She presses her lips against his, soft and gentle, a thank you. He pulls her closer leaning forward to press her into the bed. He feels safe and dangerous at the same time, sometimes having him this close makes her dizzy, breathing in his scent and feeling the heat of his body pressed against her.

“Lucas.” She mumbles his name as a warning, but he takes it as encouragement, hand bunching in the hem of her shirt. “Wait, hold on.” She pulls back, and he blinks at her. “Where’s Ginger?” She wonders, worried for a moment that they’re crushing her ferret. He scans the bed, sitting back when he doesn’t see the rodent anywhere.

“Um.” He holds his hands in the air, obviously a little disappointed in the derailment of his earlier agenda.

Maya hops off the bed to peer under it, and manages to pull her ferret out from beneath the bed skirt, securing her back in the cage in the corner of the room. When she turns back to Lucas, he’s laying shirtless on her bed, hands folded behind his head. She hates when he does that, if only because it makes his biceps do that thing she finds distracting.

“Shawn could literally walk in at any moment.” She tells him, because her mother’s boyfriend just kind of shows up a lot, considering the irregular schedule his career in photography seems to entail. Lucas quirks an eyebrow.

“You still haven’t told him about us?” He asks. Maya climbs onto the bed, straddling him, despite the warning she’d given a few seconds before.

“Even if I had I don’t think he’d be too happy to see this.” She says, tapping a finger against his chest. She picks up the ring from where it fell on the comforter. It seems small for a men’s ring, and she frowns, puzzled, when it slides onto her finger in a perfect fit.

“I had that sized.” Lucas nods at the ring. “It was bigger when I got it, but you have tiny fingers, so…”

She’s not sure how he knew what size ring she wears, but she lets that slide for now.

“Thank you.” She says.

“Happy birthday.” He replies. And she’s realizing it probably won’t be, not without him there, but she forces a smile anyway.

“Yeah.” She wonders if he can feel her forcing the cheer into her voice. “Happy Birthday to me.”


End file.
